Sleepless nights from here to eternity...

     Hm, it's been a while since I've been on here. Mostly forgotten about this for a while, actually. Just recently remembered about it. But since I've got time on my hands (as always) I figure that I might as well put somthing up here.
     The holiday spirit is in the air here at home. Sort of. We might not be baking anything quite yet, and our house might not be covered in ornaments (yet, anyways) but we are playing Christmas music. And cleaning. Like spring cleaning, only it's not spring. It's winter. So I guess it's winter cleaning then. Or maybe holiday cleaning, considering how we're cleaning out old junk right now when there's a few holidays? I dunno.
     Anyways, I didn't sleep at all last night. I'm wide awake right now, and I don't feel so different from what I normally feel like, so I'm honestly wondering how much sleep I get at night anyways. I gave up trying to sleep at...4:30 AM when I couldn't take the constant running of my nose. And the sneeze that woudn't come. That was actually worse than the runny nose. I'm not sick though, I just have some problems with my nose. And the basement is pretty dusty, so cleaning there will probably set off my allergies even more.
     Have you ever stayed awake for 24 hours or more without trying? I know that there are some people out there that try so hard to stay awake, some people drinking loads of coffee or other caffienated drinks. If I had actually had much sugar before I went to bed last night, I would've said that I couldn't sleep because of that, but I had next to nothing. Normally I have hot chocolate before I go to bed, but I didn't even have that. Or maybe it's because I skipped out on sugary stuff that I couldn't sleep? I don't know. It makes for an interesting train of though. For me at least.
     Part of the reason why I forgot about my blog would be because I've sort of found something worthwhile to do. I say sort of because while I enjoy what I found, it's not something I can do whenever I really want, and I'm still stuck with a lot of time on my hands. If you're wondering, I've borrowed my younger brother's Spore game and have been playing that on and off for a while. I've already made a few Pokemon (a lot of fun, despite them not looking very good) and quite a few other creatures that were fun to make, and I'm nowhere near done creating stuff. Well, maybe buildings and vehicles for now, but creatures? No way. That is way too fun to stop.
     Oh, and I've also been playing on and off with the Sims 3. Most expansion packs included, since my mom's sort of a freak about them. I find it a lot of fun playing on the Medieval game especially, since there you actually have a goal you need to complete, whereas in the regular game you can just play and do whatever you want. It's not that I don't enjoy the regular games, but I've always been a fan of fantasy and older times, so Medieval really attracts my attention (until I can play Supernatural, that is...fairies!) Haven't touched it in a while, but if I remember correctly, the last time I was on Medieval I was trying to kill my monarch...hey, don't look at me funny! I messed up when I made her, and it'd be nice to see someone else in charge. I need to finish that at some point...
     And art. I define 'art' here as drawing, writing in form of novels/poetry, and making music. I've always had a personal knack for drawing stuff, and while I've more or less neglected to try and further my skills in the past few years, lately I've been working on that again. Drew my first rose a few weeks ago, and even though I messed up on the shading (which I really need to practice on) the rose itself looks pretty good.
     I'm considering writing a novel of some sort. My dad is encouraging me to do that, so it's more just really finding the right idea that I want to put into book format and getting it written down. It'd be as easy as just writing one of the numerous little stories I have in my head right now, but I have writers block, I think. I can see how everything works out in my head, but when it comes to writing it down, I get stuck. Some areas I can type an entire page or two as fast as I'm able to type, but other areas I can be stuck for hours trying to write one or two sentences. It's very...frustrating, but challenging at the same time. I enjoy a good challenge, so I don't really mind it most of the time. After all, it's not like I actually need to write a book. It's just something I can do in my spare time.
     As for music, I can write some lyrics for songs easily. But it's the actual music that I'm working on. My dad has also offered to help me with that, but some of the songs I write are more personal and not exactly something I'd want anyone else to see for a while, so for now until I write something that I don't mind showing him, I'll fiddle around with FL Studio (only got the demo for now) and see if I can make anything that I actually like. Most of what I've made so far has been stuff I wouldn't be able to use right now.
     I've also been think about things like the meaning of life. While everyone has their different opinions on it, I can't but wonder at it. I don't actually believe that there is a real meaning why each of us exist as we are right now, but I can't help but think that there's got to be some reason why we exist in the first place. Because if there's no point to our existence, then why would we exist in the first place? Actually, I have more complex and confusing arguments in my head, but I can't seem to write any down right now. Writers block at work there. But it is a confusing subject if you really try to understand it like I'm trying to do. I have a tendency to try and understand everything I have an interest in, or the things that I need to know for whatever reason. Take math for example. I'm busy learning about graphs and other more complex things right now, and at first glance nothing makes sense to me. But then when I start looking at it different ways and figuring out how they go from one thing to another, then it all starts making sense. It's the same way really with anything, but since I don't have much of an interest for math it takes me a little longer to figure it out. But at least I do understand it in the end, as compared to everyone I know that couldn't help me when I needed it because they didn't understand how to do any of the problems either. I'm not saying that I'm ever going to be a mathematician (or however you spell it or whatever you want to call it) but at least I know what I need to know for right now.
     Ooh, now I'm thinking about a bunch of other stuff...but I'll save those for another post. Last topic for this post would be one specific music group that has made me start hoping for things again. They're called The Rasmus, and you probably wouldn't have heard of them. But if you do know them, good for you. But seriously, they are definitely someone to check out. They're a Finnish rock band, and they sound amazing. Their songs are not so 'happy' as most of the songs I'm hearing from most people nowadays, which is one of the things I like about them. And what makes them really interesting to me is that Lauri (the lead singer) wears crow feathers in his hair in some of the music videos they have. Or at least when his hair is black. There was a time when he dyed it blond and made it look all funny and spiky, but I like him better with the black hair. I found out about this band almost two months ago, and I've been listening to them almost nonstop since then, and I haven't gotten bored with them in the least. And that's saying something, since I normally just listen to music a few times before getting sick of it and from then on only listening to it once every few months.
     But like I said, they've made me start hoping for things again. I could be wrong, but I think I suffer from depression. And even if I'm not, I have some issues with my feelings. It's really hard for me to feel anything close to happy nowadays, and music has always helped me in the past. It's been hard though, since I tire of music easily, so when I first found Vocaloid a few months back I was excited. For once I found something that I didn't tire of easily, and it was fun to sing along to some of the songs, even though it's still a challenge because I don't understand much Japanese (and by not much, I mean only a few words) But there's only so much that Vocaloid will ever be able to help me with, because I don't understand the majority of the songs (some are in English, so I obviously will understand some of them) I could always memorize the English translations if I wanted to, but I see no fun in that. Because then I start thinking of the song in English, and I've always preferred for things to be like how they were meant to me; meaning no dubs of any sort. So finding the Rasmus has been a major help to my life. I found myself instantly attracted to some of the 'darker' songs (In the Shadows, Ten Black Roses, Justify, and Sky being among my top favorites) Links are attached to the song names there if you want to hear them, by the way ;) I don't even know why I like those songs so much, I just do. The lyrics are relatable to me in a way that makes very little sense to me. Actually, it does make sense to me. Sort of. It's more relatable than the majority of the more modern stuff I hear, anyways. But they've given me a hope that I never would've found anywhere else, and for that I'll always be grateful. So despite the sometimes very depressing lyrics (though there are happier songs on their albums) I always find myself happier in the end.
Bonus! The title for this post is from one of the Rasmus songs. See if you can find out which one it's from. It's another of my favorites ;)

So, that's all for now. I've got plenty of other thoughts in my head, so I might be putting up another post soon. I'm not making any promises though, because they always go wrong. Or at least the majority of the time...