From being sick to donuts to Vocaloid...

     So, I've finally gotten sick. I say 'finally' because normally I get a cold or at least a sore throat somewhere in October or November. But about a week ago I finally got a cold. Of course, somehow it went away within two days. I think. I'm sick again. Been naseous for the past three days. Can't really eat much without feeling sick, but today I at least kept down the food I ate.
     I can't eat toast. My mom's always telling us that if we're sick, we need to drink Ginger Ale/Canady Dry (not that we have any at this moment, so I'm stuck with water) and eat toast, Jell-O, and I think she mentioned somewhere before something about rice. Anyways, due to me eating dry toast for an entire day a few years ago because I couldn't eat anything else, I've gotten very sick of it, and while I can still stand the smell of it and eat it with butter on it and cheese, I can't eat it dry. And because my mom also says to avoid dairy products when we're sick, I can't have butter or cheese on it. So while I did have a slice of it yesterday, I'm not entirely sure how I managed to eat all of it. Or how it stayed down for so long...
     I've also been getting less sleep than normal. Which is probably to say just as much as normal. I wake up every two hours and feel like throwing up, but nothing happens. And yet somehow I'm still as energized today as I am any other day. Though it may help that I've been lying around in bed more than anything because doing anything else makes me feel naseous all over. And the smell of onions downstairs...I really don't like that.
     Yesterday we bought donuts. I got to pick mine out, but I still haven't eaten it. Probably stale by now, but still fine. Well, unless my little brother steals it (which isn't completely unlikely, considering how if you mention the word 'donut' in another room while he's asleep, he'll hear it and wake up and be right by you in a few seconds, that's how crazy he is over the stuff...and the donuts were his replacement birthday cake...) I also got a Milky Way chocolate. And today a Hershey's Air Delight. Haven't opened either yet, and probably won't open the Hershey's for a long time. I just don't like Hershey's chocolate. Probably because I'm too used to eating other chocolates like Cadbury's or some other better brand...and because we still have s'mores every now and then in the summer, and no matter how little Hershey's chocolate I put on it, it always seems like too much.
     Not sure where I'm going with all this. I think I'm just skipping around from one topic to another because I don't entirely feel 'awake'. Doomsday was supposed to be yesterday. And while the world didn't end or anything, there was the usual 'doomsday' yelling and fighting here at home. And the only good thing about being sick is that I actually had an actual excuse to sit in my room all day, instead of just wanting to sit here. That, and my nose is working perfectly fine. Somehow. I'm beginning to think that whatever sets of my allergies and makes me sneeze about fifty times a week (when it gets bad, anyways) is cancelled out when I get sick, and whatever is making me sick is somehow actually helping me. Not that I like it overall. I'd rather stick with a stuffy/runny nose and keep a box of tissues next to my bed.
     I've also been listening to next to no music for the past few days. And that's only strange because I normally listen to at least about five or six hours a day, if not way more. But since my earbuds broke a while back and I can't find the same kind anywhere (I can't stand the ones that go directly in your ear, even though I actually have a pair like that, because they always fall out and for whatever reason they make my ears itch) I've been using headphones. Or whatever you call the kind that have the band wrapping around your head. I actually prefer the ones that are like that except without the band and just have little hooks to go on your ears, but after having a few pairs break way too easily I'm sticking with what I have now. Actually, the headphones are pretty good quality, I think. Pretty good sound, and they've lasted for more than two years, I think, (awful with time...) though some of that might be helped because I bought them when I was still using those other kinds and rather got into the earbuds and put the headphones away for an emergency. And of course when the first of the two earbuds broke and I started using the second one, I forgot to replace my earbuds immediately. So now I'm just using my headphones. And while it has many advantages (don't need to wear a hat to protect my ears, among other things) it's also bad because I can't lie down and listen to music. I've never been the type of person to be able to lie on my back or stomach. I'm always on my side. And since I don't want the headphones to break, I don't wear them when I'm lying down. And since I've been lying down for most of the time, I haven't been able to listen to much. But at least I'm beginning to feel better now, even if it is only a little bit, so now I can at least listen to some music.
     And because I'm talking of music now, let me share some songs with you. First up would be eTeRNiTY by a Vocaloid called Oliver. For those who don't know what Vocaloids are, they're vocal androids. Not real people. And Oliver is one of the English ones, seeing as how many of them are actually Japanese, though there are a few Vocaloids in other languages as well. And while I normally don't like the English Vocaloids because of how bad they sound to me (probably from listening to way too much other music) this is one of the rather good ones. Maybe not entirely understandable in terms of pronunciation, but then most songs sung by actual people I don't understand entirely the first time either. But it's very catchy for me, and a lot of the time it's stuck in my head. So far it's the best song I've found. Followed by I Won't Let You Cry. I actually understand more of eTeRNiTY, but I Won't Let You Cry isn't that bad compared to other songs I've heard.
     Well, I was going to put a mini series of Vocaloid songs called Synchronicity here, since the third installment finally came out a few days ago, but after seeing the PV and the translation...I'm going to have to think about the entire story all over...it's a very detailed and pretty complex series.
     So, instead I'll put mErcy Yes, it's Japanese. So if you don't like listening to other language songs, don't bother. I'm not so familiar with Miki as a Vocaloid (not to be confused with Miku) but I found this song a few weeks back. It's the first song by Miki that I've listened to, and so far I'm impressed. Most Vocaloids I can clearly hear aren't humans. Not in the actual pronunciation, since there's almost always going to be cut off syllables in most Vocaloid songs, but in the actual tone of the voice. Gumi and IA sound pretty real too, but I think I'm beginning to like Miki more and more. And the funny thing is that Miki's avatar is portrayed a 'non-human' Vocaloid, made out of synthetic material, as compared to a lot of the other Vocaloids, who's avatars are supposed to be actual humans (not based off of real humans, just not androids or anything) And while the actual song itself isn't very 'happy', I do like the calming music and vocals before about 3:23. Not much of a fan of the actual music after that, but because I like the song so much I don't mind it so much.
     And because I was listening to this earlier and have it stuck in my head...again...here's Enclosure. Out of all the Vocaloids, I'm pretty sure that Len and Rin are my favorites. And this song...I listen to it, and suddenly I can't think straight about anything else because it just sounds amazing. At least it does with headphones. Not sure how it sounds with the computer speakers. And while some people might argue and say that Len sounds too much like a girl, I don't really care. In this song, they sound amazing. And because I never really pay attention to the English lyrics for most songs and only vaguely remember what the ones for these are, I can't really say much on that. All I know is that I really like this song.
     I could actually put up a lot more songs, but I think I'd rather stop here. Not only do I need to go and try to eat something again, I think that there are quite a few people who wouldn't really want to hear Japanese music. But hey, I don't mind it.

Thirteen Reasons Why

     So I read a book a week or two ago. Not surprising there for me since I read a lot of books, but this particular book has really stuck itself in my head. It's called Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher. I found out about the book when I saw on Wikipedia that Selena Gomez is to be cast as Hannah Baker in the film (sort of a fan of her, but I was more crazy over her a few months ago than I am now) But when I found out, I didn't really think much of it other than it sounds interesting. I kind of forgot about Selena and Thirteen Reasons why, until about a month or so ago I remembered about the book. Then I went to the library to see if they have it, more specifically the online library, and they did, so I got it after a small wait.
     Now, there are very few books that I read and feel compelled to read all the way through in one sitting. Very few books that have a pull that will keep me up all night to read just to get the book done. In fact, in the past few months, I've only found a few books like this. But this book, Thirteen Reasons Why, is definitely the book that had the most 'pull' to it. Once I started reading, I couldn't stop. I started reading somewhere in the evening and stopped at about 3 AM because I needed sleep otherwise I'd wake up way too late, then continued reading when I woke up and actually had a chance to read it again. I had the book entirely read within 24 hours with very many distractions.
     The book is about a girl, Hannah Baker, that killed herself. Before she did that, she recorded thirteen reasons for her suicide on seven cassette tapes, each reason revolving around a particular person. Each reason contains a story where something happened to her, where the person who it's about might not have realized that they had any effect on Hannah. These tapes pass from one person to another, from the thirteen people they're about anyways, and they all have to listen to the stories and then pass it on to the next person, otherwise a second set of tapes that she had recorded would be sent out to the public. And that would mean public embarrasment for some of those people, while others would face time in jail for what they did.
     I won't go further than that, because I'd just spoil the whole story. But it's one story that will never leave me. I'm not sure if the reason why I like the book so much is because it kind of reassures me that I'm not that depressed yet, or because it reassures me that no matter how alone I seem at times, there's always someone out there to help. Or if it's just another reason entirely. But my point is, it's stuck in my head. That happens with most of the books I read, but normally I forget a lot of details after a while if it's the first time I've read it. But I can still remember most of the details from the book, even if I can't remember the exact words used to describe them.
     I'm not sure why I wrote this post. If I hoped to get the book out of my mind for a while to read the book I'm currently trying to read, I failed. Now it's more stuck in my head than ever. If I just wanted to get out something about my feelings for the book, I think I succeeded. Maybe I just wanted an actual reason to think about the book again, or just wanted a distraction. I'm not entirely sure. But writing this is making me rethink some of the things about the book. Well, not rethink them as in changing my mind about things, but rather thinking about some things again in an attempt to understand them better.
     Not sure where I'd go from there, so I guess I'll just say again that Thirteen Reasons Why is a good book. It's debatable to me whether I should call it 'great' or not, since it's about a girl that comitted suicide and not actually a very 'happy' book, but it is addicting. So...go and read it maybe?

Holiday Time

     So, I have been sitting for a while trying to think of what to put up here next since my last post. I'm still not sure what I'm going to end up putting here, actually, but I think that I'm just going to go ahead and type anyways.
     I don't like it when Christmas comes. Not sure why I'm starting up with this, but I guess that I just really want to say it. I like Christmas itself, yes, but the time before and after isn't very pleasant for me. Every year my mom makes plans to bake so many cookies and other fancy desserts we only really have a chance to have around this time of year. But she rarely ever makes them. Last year I don't think we made any cookies, and so far this year we haven't done anything either. I'm the one who made brownies a few days ago, as well as cinnamon buns a week or two ago. My mom's bought chocolate chips and peppermints to make peppermint bark, and every day she keeps saying that she'll make it, but it still hasn't happened. In the end, I'm probably going to end up making it for her since she's not going to want to do it. I'm really hoping that that isn't going to be the case, but with the way how she can't be bothered to bake even brownies I don't really have much hope. (For those wondering, my mom's been nagging me to make brownies for months now, and there are many times when she's said that if she had to make them then no one else would get, and I would've been fine with that. It's never worth it for me standing for an hour or two making the brownies and getting only two or three.)
     And the Christmas tree. We've had our fiber-optic Christmas tree for years now. I don't ever remember having a different tree, actually. Our tree is falling apart because it's that old, and every year my mom tries getting my dad to replace it, but when it comes to actually going out to get a new one, suddenly she doesn't want to. And every year I have to go and fluff out the branches because they get flattened because it goes and lies down on its side when it gets stored away, and because no one else can be bothered to do it. I would've been fine with that, I honestly would have. But when no one else wants to help even decorate the tree? That used to be something we all did a few years ago. Something we did together as a family. But now I'm the only one who seems to know how to put on the garlands and all the ornaments. I really don't understand how that happened.
     Outside decorations? Oh, we have plenty of them lying around, but they never get put up. We went and cleared out the garden of weeds (which my sister was already paid for, even though she never did it) in the freezing cold to put up decorations, and as of writing this we've only got icicle lights on the gutters and lights on the tree outside. Nothing else. Thankfully, I didn't have to help with actually doing any of that, but I was stuck for hours untangling all the lights because once again no one else can be bothered to do it. They don't seem to notice that I'm already busy with something else, and if I leave then I'm missing out on something important. No, I have to drop everything that second and go and do it for them. If I don't, then I start getting yelled at. Everyone goes and complains about how I never do anything, stuff gets taken away, and I end up feeling completely awful about myself even though it's not even my fault.
     But then, my family isn't exactly a nice family. My older sister can't seem to speak or ask nicely anymore and is always yelling and complaining and being simply nasty with everyone. She and my younger brother are almost always sitting on their computers. Neither of them get up half the time when they actually need to, and they don't know what's going on around them the majority of the time because they don't know how to pay attention to two things at the same time. My younger brother might not be as nasty as my sister, but he's got a naturally loud voice, and since he mostly yells I get tired of it very fast.
     I'm not even going to bother complaining about my mom here. It's just not worth it. But my two youngest siblings, I have a major issue with them. Or maybe I just have an issue with what they're learning from the rest of us. Anyways, they used to be so nice before. Cute and friendly like how I imagine little kids to be anyways. But lately they yell just as much as everyone else. My little brother is always nagging for something, and if he doesn't get what he wants then he starts screaming like a banshee. Actually, he just starts screaming whenever anything happens that he doesn't like. And he's also got a loud voice, and I'd say that a whistle in my ears would probably hurt less than him screaming across the room. And he hurts. He's gotten into the habit of punching someone whenever they've done something to upset him (or many times in my case, doing nothing at all and just simply being there) And for a little kid, he's pretty strong. Or maybe I'm just too skinny. Or something else. I don't know. All I know is that he's gotten to be very annoying. My little sister also screams like a banshee whenever something happens that she doesn't like, and also punches pretty hard for a little kid. And lately when they ask for Halloween candies (which only still remain because I've been keeping them in my room and I don't steal them, unlike my younger brother and older sister) or actually any kind of candies, they almost always end up getting. It doesn't matter if it's half an hour before their bedtime. It doesn't matter if they've already been bad enough not to deserve one. They just get what they want. As always. They are so spoiled that it isn't even funny. Most of the time the four older kids (my older brother, older sister, me, and my younger brother) end up eating sandwiches for lunch and dinner (except on some days when my mom actually bothers cooking something or gets me to cook something) It's not filling enough for us. We're still hungry afterwards, sometimes even after we've eaten two or three sandwiches. It's not filling for my little siblings either. But they get aall the 'fancy' meals. They get to eat pasta and frozen dinners and whatever else, but sandwiches? Oh no, that will never happen, simply because they get everything they want. They get all the ice cream they ask for, they get all the candy they ask for, they got to hog the tv whenever they want, they even get to use our computers even if we're busy with something important. But the rest of us? No, we had to grow up eating sandwiches, having extremely limited time on games and even tv, and having almost no desserts. It's not fair.
     But of course you'll never hear me say that out loud to my family. They'd only yell at me again. I've had enough of yelling to last me a lifetime, and still I have to sit with so much of it every day of my life.
     I have no complaints with my dad or older brother. My dad is actually trying to be nice, even if he's only home on the weekends and I rarely actually see him because we're both sitting the majority of the time in our separate rooms. And while I do get annoyed by my older brother talking so much about things I don't care about, at least he makes up for it with chocolates and actual advice and tips on some things. He's gotten me to play Minecraft, and while I still only know how to make a few actual things apart from tools and other sort of necessary survival items, I still enjoy playing with him. We built a huge tower the other day. That was fun. Until he ended up cheating. I don't like cheating. I don't like Creative mode (which I personally consider to be cheating) and I don't like anything else that gets you something faster than you would be able to. I actually enjoy chopping down forests of trees and digging out mountains to get the materials I need. I don't actually enjoy monsters killing me, but luckily there's peaceful mode for the world I'm trying to turn into something absolutely fantastic (not that I have any idea what I'll be making yet, but I've chopped down a large area of trees and have flattened a big hill so far and I'm under the process of expanding the flat area even more) and even though I encounter many skeletons and creepers (which are by far the most annoying monsters, aside from Ghasts, which are just plainly creepy with the sounds they make) I at least know how to kill them, and I don't freak out every time I see them, unlike my sister (Seriously, she jumps for just about anything)
     So there's no complaints on my brother there. He's the only actual one who's nice to me on a regular basis. He doesn't really complain about anything I do, except for the times when he's joking around about me being too awesome. But he somehow manages to make me feel better whenever I'm upset (which is a lot) even if he doesn't realize it. Sometimes it seems like he's the only one who actually cares. Everyone else only gets concerned about me whenever I'm ready to ignore everyone and keep pushing them away, but my brother is the only one who actually sticks around to try and help basically the entire time and not just during those times.
     I suppose that's it for now. Once I started typing, I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but now it seems that I've run out of words. And while I don't actually feel better, I think it has helped me that I've been able to vent out some of my feelings. And I don't think that this is the last time I'll be complaining about my family. They're just that annoying to me.