Just some personal rants of mine that are random and have everything to do with what is in my head when I'm writing. Feel free to read at your own risk, but be warned that my posts tend to be long and strange. Maybe you'll find something I say interesting :)
Sometimes it's hard. Other times it's easy. For what exactly, I can't say. That's up to every person to decide for themselves. The above is just some of the things that I go through. In reality, I'm all those things, but I feel more of the first parts. It's only really in my dreams that I feel the second parts.
Oh, and if you're wondering, I did deliberately but 'brave' before 'afraid'.
What if one day you were suddenly given a wish. You could wish for anything you wanted, no restrictions. Would you wish for money? Fame? Love? World peace? World domination? A cure for cancer/other illness? Anything?
Hmm...there are probably too many stories that go along those lines. But still, if it's done right, it can be very unique and interesting. 'Course, most of the (very few) ones I've read either have happy endings and don't have a single thing go wrong, or otherwise have downright depressing endings where everything goes wrong.
Still, if someone had to ask me what I wanted, and I could get anything without restriction, I'd take my time deciding on something.
I wouldn't ask for money, that I do know. Even though it would be incredibly helpful since most of modern day society seems to depend on it, but I don't think I'd ever be happy. Same goes for fame.
Love is a tricky thing. I do believe that love really exists and that people can be happy with it, but if it happens because of a wish, I'm not sure I'd ever believe that it's a 'real' love. I'd never be able to stop worrying that whoever it is didn't just fall in love with me just because of a wish, and wouldn't have under any other circumstance. So I wouldn't wish for love.
World peace. As much as I hold a small part of me to hope for it, it would never last. I believe that human nature has conflict written into it, so as long as we still exist there will always be conflict of some sort. So world peace would be out.
As for world domination, that's automatically out. Not only do I not fancy being a ruler of any kind, but for all those people secretly (or not so secretly) hoping for this, think about it this way: you watch the movies with kings and rulers and such, and if you see them on a normal day, usually they have a lot of responsibility dumped on them, from anything to do with wars, laws, dealing with the numerous complaints from the people, and other such burdens. I've never liked having too much responsibility, so this wish would never happen.
I know that some people would opt to vote for a cure for cancer or some other illness, but I can't see myself doing that. It might be because I've never known anyone personally to have cancer or some other life-threatening illness, which some would consider lucky. But I think that part of this would also be that technology advances every day, and someone's bound to find the answer eventually, even if it happens by a pure accident. I didn't think that they'd ever make a vaccine for the flu that lasts longer than a single season or whatever, but according to my older brother and some sites found using Google, it seems that there is one being worked on (my brother says it's on animal testing stages) Now if they could only make one for the common cold and one for allergies...Actually, you can build up immunity to allergies with the help of doctors injecting concentrated stuff in your blood and watching you and stuff, but that takes time and money. I just want a single shot.
In the end, I think that if I'd wish for anything at all, it'd be happiness. Or wisdom. Or some other helpful trait. Because while the ones I'm thinking of can actually be obtained through natural means, technically all the other things can be too. And it'd be a help to me, if not necessarily for everyone else. And with the right set of mind, they could be used for good (or evil, but then I don't view myself as a particularly evil person)
Up ahead is probably a long-ish post about One Direction. So either read ahead or don't. You have been warned :)
Huh. A few months ago or whenever it was that One Direction became popular, I didn't like the What Makes You Beautiful song. And I didn't think that I'd ever like or listen to their music. Never planned on it, and nobody else in my family really likes them all that much (but at least we'll listen to the song on Just Dance 4...unlike Justin Beiber's song...which actually my sister really does like...) And it's a little funny to me, because when I was playing Just Dance 4, and my younger brother came up while I was choosing a song, he told me not to do What Makes You Beautiful because he didn't want me to get caught up on them. I told him that there was no chance of that happening, because I find the song still mildly annoying for some reason. And for whatever reason, I rarely happen to like male singers. Not sure why, I just don't.
Anyways, I was looking for a song last night for an upcoming post...and eventually stumbled across I Wish. And I found that I liked it.
I'm not entirely sure why, but from the songs of theirs that I've listened to so far, I think this one is my favorite. It might be because it's the first one I found, but I don't think that's entirely it. I think it helps that lately I've been listening to loud music, and this is much more relaxed than the majority of those songs, but again I don't think that's entirely it either.
It might be the lyrics. I don't usually like love songs because the majority of the ones I find are all sappy and sweet, and I'm not very fond of sappy stuff. For some reason, happy stuff makes me sad, and sad stuff makes me happy. Which is probably a little backwards, but I don't really care. But the lyrics for this song...I can't relate to it at all, actually. Never been in a relationship, and I've never had any actual special feeling for anyone that I've met. But I still like the lyrics.
It might also help that it's a 'new' song to me. Generally I find some music, listen to it for about a week straight until I make myself completely sick of it, and repeat with other music. (The only thing that hasn't bored me to tears yet would be Vocaloid, but that's just really a different side of music...and the Rasmus...still like them, and it's been...half a year or so. Vocaloid's coming up to a full year)
I don't think that there necessarily is a reason why I like it, and I should probably just shut up and enjoy the music, but I can't help but think about it. Not only is it something to think about, but I seem to really like the things that don't really have apparent answers to them.
One of the other songs I found that I like would be Live While We're Young.
Honestly, it's the 'crazy crazy crazy' part here that I first liked. It's a really fun song, and after actually watching the video (I'm not really one for watching music videos) I think I like it even better now. It's the kind of song that can put a smile on my face, even when I should feel like frowning.
I could probably put up a few more videos and find the reasons why I like the songs, but I'm not going to do it. In the end, it'd probably be more or less the same things: it's new (to me) it's different, and for some, fun.
And for in case anyone's wondering, I have no idea why I made this post. It was random :)
Have you ever spent a day doing nothing? I mean literally just sitting or lying down somewhere, not reading or using any sort of electronics, just thinking at the very most.
See, for the past few days, the entire family has been sick (except for my younger brother, who sits in the basement the entire day and isn't likely to catch anything, and my older sister, who is just tempting Murphy, as my mom says) I know that I'm not as bad off as my mom and affected siblings, in fact I'm only now starting to want to cough to get rid of that weird feeling in my throat and getting a really stuffed nose, and maybe it's not even being sick that's doing anything, but I've been lying down for the past few days just thinking and doing nothing.
It's actually rather nice. I don't worry about social networking sites or anything in particular anyways, but I do go on some games because of forced habit that I don't really want to break just yet. And getting away from them is very helpful. Because as much as they are an escape from my daily life, they're also a cause of stress to me.
It's actually a little strange to me. It's still noisy, but when I'm just lying down, somehow it all just goes away. Nothing really bothers me (unless someone's knocking on my door asking me to make brownies that I have told them I don't want to make) and time seems to slow down for a while.
So if you ever feel like you need to get away from it all, try lying down. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths if that helps you (it doesn't really for me in calming down, but it does wonders for when I can't stop laughing once I manage it) and just...think.
Ah! I'm so excited right now! Haha, I was looking for some new Vocaloid songs for Oliver, and I found out that Gumi has an English voicebank now, and she sounds AMAZING! Or at least, amazing from the few songs that I've listened to so far. Which is more than I can say for Sonika and Oliver when I found out about them at first...
I like this song...I've never heard it before just now (and in fact I'm only halfway through the song right now) and I think it's amazing. Yeah, she isn't exactly perfect, but this was made with the trial version of the song, so I can't wait to see what people make with the actual version of the software.
Her English isn't 100% clear here, but I find that in most English Vocaloid songs, they never really are. Even the songs made by professionals still sound (to me) a bit unclear. But that may be just me, because half the time I need to look at lyrics for any song even if it's sung by a real person just to understand what they're singing about.
Ooh, found what looks like an original song. But for all I know, it might not be, so.
Again, maybe not perfect, but I like it. I've always liked Gumi (not as much as the Kagamines, but still better than Miku, whose voice is just annoying) She really sounds realistic to me, with the way how her voice sounds (pronunciation and whatnot depends on the person using her, so I don't really count that) And I'm glad to see that it carried through to the English voicebank.
Haha, she sounds better than the Miku English songs I've heard before, though I haven't bothered trying to see if there's any new ones in months. Now the only other Vocaloids I'm really waiting for English voicebanks would be the Kagamines...So far as I know of, they will have, but they're still making it or something. But when they do come out in English...yes. Absolutely yes.
Okay, enough of the Vocaloid randomness. I'm just really happy, I suppose. I know that nothing really beats actual humans singing, but sometimes I just get sick of listening to them, so I turn to Vocaloid songs. And since sometimes I get sick of listening to Japanese songs, I try finding some English songs too, which is hard for me because I rarely like the English songs. But like I said, I like Gumi's English. Haha, I'm probably going to be spending the rest of my free time today trying to find songs by her.
Just something that's been floating around in my head for a few days. Actually, what's really been floating around would be in Afrikaans, not English. Being one of the two languages I grew up with, and the one used primarily at home, a lot of things I think up randomly such as that above does come out in Afrikaans. But still, I'm not sure if anyone reading this would understand it (and the fact that I'm not very well with writing Afrikaans for whatever reason, even though I can read/speak it fine) so there's the English version.
The thing is, that little poem (is it even a poem? I'm not sure if it is) sounds so familiar, like I've heard it before somewhere but can't remember where. But according to a Google search, it's not on the internet, so I'm not sure I have. And no one that I know would ever come up with anything like this, so I'm kind of stumped to where it even came from. If anyone does recognize it though, please tell me.
I haven't been on here in a while. I could easily say that it's because I haven't had enough time to, but that's not the truth. It's just that I couldn't really think of anything to say that wasn't completely meaningless to my eyes.
So I'm here again today to try and change that. To try and talk about something that actually does seem like there is a purpose. And even though I have no current idea about what I'll end up talking about, hopefully it'll be interesting.
I feel useless. This isn't any of my sadness/depression talking, but rather the part of me that really looks at things and realizes the truth no matter how much I want to believe it or not. I'm not really doing much. I wake up every morning, do just about nothing until 11 or noon, which is usually when I turn on my computer, do some schoolwork, and then spend probably too much time playing on games.
I eat through the day, help out around the house when people ask me to, and on weekends I usually manage to get out somewhere in the afternoon or evening to help with the grocery shopping for the week. Otherwise apart from the occasional trip during the week when my mom decides to go out for whatever reason, I mostly stay shut up inside (I would love to go out and play in the snow with my little siblings, but my winter jacket is too small, as well as my snow pants and boots)
But most of my free time is spent playing games. I would actually be more fine with playing Second Life most of the day if I could make some money out of it, but I really don't like building in the game, I have no idea how to use Blender (though I'm trying to work on that...with a lot of procrastinating) and I suck at using Gimp because I'm too used to drawing traditionally with pencils and other things. I could make some sort of profit if I changed and actually made an effort to learn how to do stuff properly, but there's also a part of me that refuses to change.
I know that I do help around the house a lot (despite whatever my family may say at times) and I shouldn't really feel useless, but that's really only because it's required of me because I'm living here. And I probably could do a number of other things that I'm capable of doing, but I never feel like doing any of them. Now that might really be the sadness/depression talking.
Anyways, I know that I should probably change myself somehow, even if it's a small thing, but I can't bring myself to do so. Not yet, at least. One day I'll probably change, and for a while have things move really fast for me and remember how I am right now and wonder how I ever was like that. That's how it feels like for me when I remember how I was a few years ago, and a little kid, and so on at least.
But for now, even though I don't really think I'm happy or anything, that just seems like something that's just out of my reach. I'll work my way there eventually. And when I finally do, I get the feeling that I'll be a lot happier.
I'm not sure how much of this will make sense to anyone reading this, or if it will ever be relevant, but I know that it helped me a little bit. I'm not entirely sure how, but I feel like it did. Maybe because I'm admitting something about myself that I normally wouldn't. Who can say?
