Calm

I suppose that by now I should know not to expect any amount of calmness to last at home. It's nice for a while, but it never lasts longer than a few days, and even then that's pushing it.

And yet, despite being surrounded by all this negativity, somehow I feel...better, even though that's not entirely the word, than I've felt in a long time. It's very strange.

The funny thing is that I'm currently listening to Guilty by The Rasmus, and it's at the part where he's singing about feeling empty. And while I actually am feeling like that right now, I'm still somehow happy. I don't even know how that works, but for now I won't question it too much.

Oh, and the very chocolate cake is done (or if not yet, then there's very very little left) With the way how my dad's cake lasted weeks, I didn't really see this happening. And now when the weekend comes I'll be baking an identical cake, except with funfetti cake mix and vanilla mousse. Yay. (And I'm not sure whether to be sarcastic there or not...I don't really like the baking, but I love the cake)

Birthday cakes

I've been meaning to come on here, but every time I remembered before now it was after internet wasn't available anymore.

Choooocooolaaaate...Sorry, late February/early March signals two birthdays in my family, and since we have to celebrate it over the weekend so that my dad can join in, we end up doing something to celebrate for 3 or so weeks. Both birthdays are for two of my brothers, and the older brother (birthday was recently) chose a chocolate cake for his birthday. A german chocolate, double layer big-ish rectangle cake (I have no idea what size they are or how to describe them haha...but at least I know how to bake them) with double mousse filling/icing (store-bought icing is too sweet for my mom's tastes, and I can't really blame her) with some dark chocolate shavings on top (grating chocolate? Hard. And messy. It keeps melting, and if you freeze it to make it not melt as easily, it gets hard to do) So it's dark chocolate on dark/milk chocolate on top of german chocolate. Very chocolate-y.

So yeah, I'm not much of a fan of dark chocolate specifically, so the mousse doesn't taste very good to me, but other than that I'm perfectly fine with it. It tastes great, and the slices are huge. I've only had one so far, but I probably could hab another 1 or 2 if I want to (another one definitely, maybe a second, not sure)

And once the big cake is done, I get to make a funfetti cake for my little brother! Oh, I love funfetti cakes, even if I don't like standing for however long I stand when I need to mix the stuff. But since the two little siblings get funfetti cakes for their birthdays, I'm thinking of having maybe a red velvet cake for my birthday. Or strawberry.


In other news, I uploaded another fractal to DeviantArt called Colors of Autumn. It's probably my favorite fractal that I've made so far, and one I keep finding myself staring at when I'm busy rendering fractals and can't really do anything else. Feel free to go look at it and download it for your desktop background.

...And that's all, I suppose.

Minecraft and fractals

Okay, so I was going to do a post on vampires and all, but then I realized that I have to go read some books from one of the series I'm reading that I haven't read yet, because otherwise I won't be accurate and all, so that post is going to have to wait for a while.

I got Minecraft yesterday! Haha, would've posted about it yesterday as well, but I was busy playing with my older brother. Probably a great present for him, even if it's me that got Minecraft. It was definitely worth the wait of a few days and the time taken to earn those points :)

Also, I'm making more fractals. Most of the day my computer is on, rendering fractals while I'm busy watching movies (which doesn't happen often, so it's a sort of treat) playing games (more common, but also a treat) doing chores, reading, or whatever else. I'll slowly be uploading them to my Deviantart account, which you can view at the following link:

http://starlightmint72.deviantart.com/

Actually, I'm not sure why I didn't put Radioactive there. Hm. But anyways, they'll slowly be uploaded there. And most of them look way better than Radioactive did (to me anyways)

So that's about it for actual news from me. I'll try getting up a meaningful post later, but I make no promises because my brother wants me to play with him again later. We're going to make a wolf army :3 I love those wolves.

I picked up a book today

It's been a long time since I've actually picked up a book. I mean a physical book with paper in it here, as opposed to e-books (of which I've read a lot lately) But I picked up a book from my bookshelf that I bought...I dunno, two years or so ago?

The book's name is called Fallen by Lauren Kate. I'd pretty much forgotten about its existence since I last read it more than a year ago, but a few weeks back I saw Passion, which is the third book in the series, in the online catalog for my library. So I placed a reservation for it, and now that I've got it I'm going to have to read Fallen and Torment first (I forgot about them after I reserved the book because it was late at night when I did that) And for some, two weeks to read three books might seem like a lot, but I actually do like this series (or at least what I've read anyways) so hopefully I can get the first two books done in a few days.

Now, I've only managed to read...45 pages of the book since I picked it up a few hours ago. I'd say it's weird for me, being a really fast reader, but I haven't really had much of a chance to sit down and enjoy it. And while I still don't remember parts of the book entirely, it's coming back to me.

So yeah, it's about angels. Not vampires (which was my main topic of interest when I bought this...and what will probably be the topic of my next post...ooh, that is going to be an interesting topic...) not werewolves, not mermaids, but angels. It might be because I'm not really looking for them, but I don't find many supernatural books about angels. Or fairies for that matter, but I find fairy books a lot easier than angels. Actually, I think that when I bought this, I thought that it was a book about vampires...but then, I knew nothing about the book and had never heard of it before then...so yeah.

Anyways, it's about angels. And reincarnation. I would say further on that, but since I'm still busy remembering about the book, there's probably a bigger chance of me being wrong than right. But I enjoyed the book. Even if I did forget completely about it for more than a year.

Can't think of anything else to say here right now, so I guess I'll end it here.

Part of my relationship with my mom, and sisterly randomness

I...don't really feel close to my mom. Or my dad for that matter, but he's not home most of the time so it's sort of understandable. But I feel like I should be close to my mom. I should be able to talk to her about the stuff that really make me uncomfortable even thinking of talking to anyone else about (of which there seems to be quite a bit) But most of the time I can't. I mean, it's not that I feel too uncomfortable asking her, or because I don't get enough courage to ask (somehow I manage this part easily when I actually decide to do it...it's the debating on whether or not I'm actually going to do it that seems to be more effort) but because she always seems to be busy.

But today something happened...I actually got close to my mom. My dad too, but my point here is mostly about my mom. We didn't have a heart-to-heart or anything, but you'd be surprised at how much one small trip away from the rest of my noisy siblings (minus my little sister, since she came along as well) can do.

So yeah, I still need to find some time where she's not busy, and finally get around to talking to her about some other stuff.

Oh, and my older sister seems to have a boyfriend. Maybe, anyways. She was planning on seeing a guy later (no, I don't know his name, nobody except her seems to...since she absolutely has to be so secretive about it) but the plans got cancelled. Because of all the fuss she put up this morning when they were almost cancelled anyways (just one of the usual family drama fight thingys or whatever you want to call it) Everyone thought that she was the one that cancelled it. But it turns out that the guy's dad is dying. And a part of me can't help but wonder if that's just an excuse (I know absolutely nothing about this guy, so there's only really a miniscule part of me that feels sorry for him) Because honestly, my sister...well, I'd say she's a bitch, but I really don't like talking like that. So instead I'll say that she needs a boyfriend with a lot of patience.

So, because of the family drama, (yes, this is probably random and irrelevant to most of the rest of this post) my sister is in charge of making dinner tomorrow...me and her were both in charge of it today (though not for punsihment, despite what my sister thinks) and we were going to go eat out tomorrow, but she wouldn't cancel her plans or give up her cellphone (the plans were cancelled much later) so now we're going to have to sit with her...I'm probably going to stick with a sandwich...she never ties her hair up...

Also random, but the lightbulbs in my room went out! Yesterday I pretty much did stuff in the dark (not as hard as one might think) and would've today as well if my brother hadn't found some temporary replacements until we go to the store and get some proper ones. These are too bright...can't wait to get the other ones.

Still, I'm pretty much content today. I wouldn't say happy, but I'm content. And it feels nice.

Big news!

So, got some great news! Maybe not all that big, but it is to me ;)

So, got enough points for Minecraft, and now I'll have it within a week. Hooray! I'm so happy!

And that game/hunt thingy for Second Life that I was talking about. I finished it! After more than 9 hours of doing nothing but that! EDIT!!! Sorry, I forgot that it started at noon SL time, which is two hours behind my time, and I was looking at my clock when I was writing, and I had eaten something small and taken a shower, so it's more like 7 hours, maybe closer to 8. Not 9 though. END EDIT!!! Unfortunately, I was not one of the first three people to finish (though I think I was pretty close, maybe, maybe not) and now I'm really hungry (skipped out on breakfast and lunch because dishes weren't done and I didn't feel like washing anything...bad choice, I know) and now I need to go eat some more. And then help do dishes. I didn't even check to see if I liked any of the prizes! Of course, I'll get to that later. And unless they're either exceptionally awesome or plainly awful (which I doubt it'll be the latter) you probably aren't going to hear anything further on that here.

By the way, I still can't believe I paid for the Hud...it had better be worth it...Ugh. Going to go eat now! Bye-bye!

I'm so close, and so frustrated

*warning, random complaints coming ahead* Agh, I'm so close to getting that Minecraft code. Why is Second Life not letting me go to my home location? Why did I buy a 300 linden Hud even if I know that I'm never going to have a chance to get the first and grand prize. Oh wait, if I do manage to complete it, it should be worth it...maybe. *end of random complaints*

So yeah, I'm about 1,000 points away from that Minecraft code. I just need to earn a few more points, and maybe if some of the offers I did complete finally cash in then I'll have enough points. And then I'll be happy :)

As for Second Life, this is yet another reason why I don't know why I play it anymore. There's some sort of error that won't let me go into certain locations across the grid, one of them being the location I've set as home, so I'm kind of annoyed at that. But at least I can log in. I don't get many lindens on Second Life. The majority of that which I have gotten would be from redeeming for them on Stuffpoint. And that isn't much. So for me to buy a 300 linden hud for a very challenging and hard game (or so they say, maybe it would just be more time consuming for me) I'm kind of surprised at myself. They do say on the website though that if you do manage to complete the game, the prizes are worth way more than that. Especially if you're one of the first three people to complete the game (in which you are practically drowned in rewards of gift cards or store credit or something else like that. The third place gets 11,000 lindens worth. Third. That's $40! First place gets, by my calculations which may be wrong, over $150 worth. Second is obviously somewhere in between that.) Hopefully I can complete this, not necessarily in the first three, and hopefully it will all be worth it. Otherwise I'll probaby be complaining about it later as well.

Today has not been very productive for me. I mean yeah, between now and last night I made quite a lot of points, but still. Hopefully tomorrow when I start that game I can be good at it. I fully expect to take a week or two to complete it and have many others complete it before me, but it's nice to imagine that I do have a chance.

Maybe later tonight I'll find something interesting to talk about. I doubt it though.

Littlest Pet Shop

Okay, since this is apparently a popular post, I've decided to rewrite this to actually include useful information instead of being a pointless rant about how much I don't like the game.

A while ago, my mom asked me to download the Littlest Pet Shop app for my phone to test it out and see if it's a game that needs to be babysat (like Farmville and other similar games) so she could know if she should get it on her tablet for my little sister. So I got it, tested it out, and now my little sister plays it every now and then when my mom is willing to give up her tablet.

Now, I used to spend most of my time on this game, but some time ago I stopped playing it so actively. But I'll still try to put up as much information as what I can to help out anyone who's reading this.

Radioactive

As I said in a previous post, here is the final version of that one fractal I was working on.

And since I have no idea if I'm doing this right at all, for a bigger size click on this link here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/93145421@N03/8467940265/in/photostream

I ended up adding more chaos to the picture than in the other version I showed the other day. The bright green color remind me of the cartoon-y pictures of radiation I've seen, and the lines and curves seem to fit with it as well, so I'm titling this one "Radioactive." I'm busy working on the next fractal as well.

My day so far

So far today has been both crazy and loud, as well as peaceful and happy. Mostly peaceful and happy, but there are times when my little siblings (all 3 of them) get frustrated with something and start yelling and throwing things around.

As for the 'crazy' part, my sister is being exactly that. She's thinking aloud (which isn't all that uncommon) not shutting up despite multiple attempts at telling her to (also not uncommon) and acting like how I normally do when I don't get any sleep at all the previous night and decide to spend my day outside of my room (this is both uncommon and not uncommon. I have no idea how to explain that) She even admitted that she's crazy, multiple times.

After a while, I told her that if she wouldn't shut up, I'd make her dance with me on Just Dance 4 on a 45 minute long workout. She said "Challenge accepted." So of course, I stopped playing the game I was playing for my little sister, and eventually got her to dance. Even though we had to stop about halfway because my little sister was upset because I stopped playing for her and our brother wouldn't help her on the basement Xbox.

My sister is out of shape. 10 minutes into the dance workout, she was complaining about how it was getting hard to breathe (not that it was really, it's just her wanting to stop) and she doesn't even dance properly, just waves her arms around and barely uses any energy at all. I point it out to her a lot, and she just ignores me. I try telling her to put a 'bounce' in her step when she dances to get more points, but she never listens. This is the exact reason why sometimes we get the Twin dance style, and I can still have twice as many points as her.

But hey, she's my sister. She'd rather sit on Facebook all day talking to her not-really friends and playing games than actually get an actual life. And while I don't think that's actually really healthy, she's not going to change. We've been trying to get her off of Facebook for...I don't know how long now. We need to take her phone away at night...

Drawing

I love drawing. I hate drawing. It makes me feel calm and happy inside. It makes me frustrated enough to want to throw something.

Yeah, contradicting feelings, especially when I'm feeling it all at once. But it is true. I've always loved drawing, but for the past few years I haven't done much to advance my skills, so now I'm not nearly as good as I wish I could be. I need to practice drawing stuff, but when it frustrates me enough I have to stop before I do something I'll regret later on. Which is often. I know that I should start with something small and work my way up, but I can't do that. I've tried, but I can't. At least, not when it comes to drawing.

I'll get there eventually, but for now I'm stuck moving very slowly. But I figure that going slowly is better than rushing and messing everything up.

But for now I can take my frustrations out on fractals. This is a very low quality render of something I'm working on. It's also a lot tinier than the real thing. I'm planning on making a few changes to this, but that's how it looks so far. When I get the final version done I'll put it up properly.

Second Life

I've been playing an online game called Second Life for about a year and a half now. I'm not entirely sure why I'm still playing it. (By the way, I have absolutely no idea why I'm writing about this, or what my point is going to be)

For those who don't know much or anything about Second Life, I can sum it up like this: it's an online game to go and meet new people, have fun, and waste all your money on a virtual avatar. That is how I see it, anyways. Other people may tell you otherwise, but I'm not any of those other people, so that's the description you'll get from me.

It's a great game, it really is. You've got all sorts of fun stuff to do. For those who like it and don't mind putting money on, you can go shopping, and for those who like shopping but don't want to put any money on (like me) there's even a bunch of freebie stuff that you can sort though and go shopping like that. Actually, it's not at all necessary to spend any money on the game with the amount of free clothes, skins, hair, and shoes spread across the grid (though it is nice to give some money to the designers who made them)

What I personally like doing in Second Life is going on hunts. And tracking down freebie stuff that look nice, but still mostly hunts. I go on a lot of them, even if I don't really unpack any of the stuff until sometimes months later (There was a Twisted Hunt in September of 2012, and I have yet to unpack the majority of the items) And even when I do unpack it all, it takes me sometimes even longer just to sort out through the stuff to see what I like and don't like and keep or throw out. But I enjoy the hunts themselves. The hunts on Second Life are like scavenger hunts: you're shown to a store, given a hunt, and you have to find an object of some sort (unique to each hunt) Some of these objects are big, others are really tiny. Some of the hints are easy, others are frustratingly hard. And some of the prizes are good quality, some are not.

And for those interested, if you have some talent, you can also apply that to Second Life and make money out of it. I'm still trying to figure out how to draw decently with my mouse, since I'm much better using my hand and a pencil and have no tablet, but otherwise I'd already be making clothes. I don't have much of a talent for designing homes, which is what a friend of mine does, and I still need to figure out how to use Blender to use for later projects. You can also make textures and sell them, as well as try and figure out how to make hair or skins, as those seem to make the most money if they're really good quality. Don't get me wrong, clothes are great and all, but there are so many stores in Second Life for clothes. Hair and skins are less frequent, and the higher quality stores can get away with charging a bit extra for their products. Actually, the most impressive thing you could do would be animations. Great high quality animations are a rare find for me (well, free ones anyways. There are a few stores out there) I don't really know how to make animations like dancing and walking and basically anything non-static, but I read somewhere that for the better quality stuff, you need some motion capture stuff.

'Course, I have a pitiful amount of money that I've made without any of that. There are also contests that you can enter. Mostly photography ones from what I see (I don't really look out for them, so there probably are others out there) But those usually require very good computers capable of very high graphic settings, very good quality clothes, skins, hair, and so forth, as well as good animations. Well, poses specifically. And my laptop isn't all that great, so I don't really try to go for those contests. But you also get the small contests at clubs. There are a wide variety of types of clubs to go to, but the one I go to is more...kid-friendly, than others I know of (not that it's entirely kid-friendly...) A lot of them have a theme you have to follow, possibly join a group, and then you have a chance at winning some money. This is how I make most of my tiny money. And it's fine for me, because I don't really buy much...like I said, there's a lot of freebie stuff out there.

Most of the reason I actually go to that club is because of the music. I don't really care about the people there (no offense to any of them, I'm just not a social person) or the contest, even though it does get me a little money, but I like listening to new music.

There's a number of other stuff you can do on Second Life, but I don't know much about some of them. You can look those up yourself if you're curious. It's a fun game to play, once you figure out how to navigate the viewer.

I mentioned that I'm not sure why I'm playing it anymore. This is true, despite the fact that I like the music and freebies and stuff. I'm not much of a social person, so I tend to stay away from the things that normally would make it a lot more interesting for me to play. A lot of the things I do ends up being repetitive and boring. And yet I still find myself playing it most days. Maybe I just need to find some other game to play, maybe there really is something about Second Life that is amazing that I'm just not realizing. I don't know. I'm still trying to find that answer. Maybe it's pointless anyways, who can say?

I actually was debating a while back on whether or not to make a blog of Second Life. But upon seeing the amount of fashion blogs out there, I decided against it. There are so many of them...I follow a good amount of them, and that's only a tiny fraction of all of them. Besides, I still have to sort through all my animations. So then I ended up making this random blog. I think I'm happier with this one than I would've been with a Second Life one. Of course, if I do decide to make a Second Life one anyways, it'd be just about me having fun and all, not about fashion. Maybe at worst highlight some hunt gifts for some of the hunts that don't get showcased in the other more popular blogs.

Anyways, I'm not entirely sure why I wrote this post. Maybe it's because I needed something to do while I'm waiting at a club for the current contest to end, maybe some other reason I have no idea about. I don't really know, and I don't really particularly care either. But I can say that Second Life is a game worth checking out.

Fractals

I've been making fractals for the past few weeks now, and I'm having a lot of fun with it. The new background image is one of the first (and simpler, and more peaceful) ones that I've made. The new header picture thingy (no idea what to call it really) is also a very small fraction of another fractal I've made. It was also a lot of fun to make, and even though it is way more chaotic than the one in the background, I think I kind of like it better.

Anyways, I'm no expert on making fractals. I've seen other people make some pretty impressive stuff, but most of what I end up making is just really randomness that only occasionally resembles something more than a bunch of colorful swirly lines. I'm fine with it though, since it makes me happier.

I'll probably end up putting up some of the fractals I've made somewhere and then link to it here for the rest of you people to see. I promise nothing, but you might like them. Maybe, maybe not, it's up to you to decide.

Oh, and while I'm also not promising anything here, I might be on here more often. I'm finding that I'm having a lot of fun coming on here. But whether or not I actually can come on here every day is another question. It also depends on if I can find anything to write about that I'm satisfied with.

Earn rewards online at StuffPoint

So, some people may know of some online sites where you can do things like surveys and watch videos and stuff to earn points and use those points to get rewards.

I wouldn't normally write about this, but I want some things, and I'm roughly halfway to my goal for getting a Minecraft code.

The site I use is called Stuffpoint. Here's a link to it for you: Click here to go to Stuffpoint

It's actually a pretty easy site to use. You can watch some videos to earn a small amount of points, do surveys for a larger amount of points, or do a number of other things. There's even a fan club section where you submit pictures and videos and earn points for that, and several weekly contests to do.

For every thing you complete, you get a ticket to use in the weekly ticket lottery. The weekly ticket lottery winner gets to choose a prize up to 15,000 points value ($15 worth, more or less)

There's also the StuffLotto, which is based off of real lotteries and where you can earn a lot of points. I haven't really tried this part yet, since I know I'd have very bad luck with it.

You can even play games to earn points. On the site is a handful of games you can play against other players and bet points to win. So long as you know what you're doing and you've good at it, you can make some easy points like this.

As for other offers, StuffPoint is partnered with a lot of places that give you options to do surveys, watch videos, buy stuff, or even just install some software for points. Some give more points than others, and they're all optional to do.

And even if you don't want to do any of that stuff, you can also earn points by viewing a custom homepage they make for you and once a day you can earn a few points by voting on a poll. And there's also the Point Button, which can give you a few points.

As for rewards, I've looked up for a lot of stuff and I've found everything I've looked for. It seems like you can get most anything off of Amazon.com, and quite a few other rewards. So I think that it really is worth checking out.

So if you're at all interested, click on the following link and sign up.

http://stuffpoint.com/index.php?r=105772

Birthdays and Favoritism

My birthday is another 2 months away, and yet here I am, going to go on about how much I hate it.

I used to love my birthday. I would get presents, and apart from my sister being nasty because she's jealous, everyone would be nice to me. I didn't really ever have any birthday parties, because with 4 kids (later 6 when my little siblings were born) it can get expensive for parties. We were promised a party for our 13th, 16th, and 18th (and possibly 21st, though I can't remember about that one...) birthdays. The last birthday party I had was when I was in fifth grade, which would put me at...my 11th birthday, I believe. Sounds right, since I was supposed to get a party in 7th grade, two years later for my 13th birthday. I say 'supposed to' because I never did get it. I can't remember exactly, but I couldn't get one because my little sister was born later that year and there wasn't enough money for it or something along those lines.

Anyways, I don't really care for the parties. I don't even have any friends even if my parents would allow me to have a party this year (turning 18) I'm not even sure why I brought it up.

No, I think I'm here more to complain about favoritism. Last year, I got a bike for my birthday. It was $60-70, since I can't remember the exact price. That's all I got. My sister later got $100 for her birthday to choose what she wanted, and my younger brother got a DSi for his birthday and a 3ds game, which was by accident because my parents didn't know that it wouldn't work on the DSi (Though it was made up in Christmas when he got a game to replace it) I'd mention my older brother here, but he gets money and I don't know what he does with it, and my two youngest siblings are little and they're spoiled anyways, so I'd be surprised if they didn't get more than the rest of us do. So in a way, my younger brother actually did get the most price-wise last year.

I should probably bring Christmas here as well, since it also may extend to that. I got a DSi XL for Christmas, a game to go with it, and some stocking stuffers not worth mentioning since we all got the same thing more or less. My sister got an expensive handbag, wallet, and her phone that she's always one when she's not on her computer. I'm not sure if my phone was part of my Christmas present, since it was worked out between my older brother and my dad (my phone was my older brother's phone until he got a newer and better version) My little brother got 2 games, one to make up for the one he got on his birthday, and something else I can't remember (I didn't really see him opening his presents, since he was pretty much on the opposite side of the Christmas tree and I was helping the little siblings open their stuff) So maybe here I think I did get the most of the three of us. Especially since we, as in all of us kids, got a Kinect and Just Dance 4, and it's only really me that ever dances (my sister does too, when I can manage to drag her along)

I'm fine with my Christmas presents. I'll complain a bit about how I would've preferred something else over the DSi, since I still have my DS Lite and it works fine for me, but I'm still happy with it. But my mom later told me that she pushed my dad to actually get a Kindle for me as well (as in the e-reader) The minute she told me that...I don't know. Something inside of me just...died, I suppose. I'm not as happy with them now as I was before she told me that. And the complaining part I mentioned especially comes in here. I would've loved to have a Kindle instead of the DSi. I love reading, and with the Kindle I'd be able to read more because I wouldn't have to lug my computer around, and I wouldn't need to worry about my phone's battery (I only ever read and play games on my phone, and the games take up a lot of the battery power it seems) But I think the main reason why I got the DSi was because my mom basically claimed my DS Lite. I don't even know if it's mine or hers. I would love to go and sell it for a little bit of money, but I don't even think I can.

Anyways, after my older brother and my youngest brother's birthdays is mine. I think my mom said something to me about how she's going to get my dad to spend more money on me than my sister this year, but I am holding no hope on that. My dad would only do something like that if I had straight A's in my schoolwork (which I currently do, even if they're not the highest percentage that I can possibly get) be far ahead, if not done with the school year (definitely not going to be done any time soon, and unless I can get a lot peace and quiet, not far ahead either) He expects us all to be good, not just me, but sometimes it seems like I'm the only one that really does make an effort there. But because I'm smart enough, my parents always seem disappointed in me if I don't have super high grades. They put no such pressure on my siblings, who get by fine so long as they don't have D's or F's. It's not fair.

I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this post. I do know that I had no inclination at all to write about this an hour ago. What sparked me to write this would be my little brother saying about how dad owed him some money for chores he did for him (which only ever happens to him, considering how I still haven't gotten any money since...I don't know. Probably half a year ago or more? While he's gotten various small tasks that he's been offered and paid for) And then my older brother saying how he wanted to try getting our dad to get Minecraft for me for my birthday. Something about that mix just has me crying while I write this, and complaining to myself about how nothing ever seems to be fair. Because while I do want Minecraft, if my brother does convince our dad to get it for me, I'm afraid that I'll be stuck with only that and maybe some other cheap thing. I really don't want that. I don't even have much hope on going to Medieval Times for my birthday, which I really want to do.

So yeah, this is pretty much pointless. But I just wanted to get it out of my system instead of cry silently for an hour or two and possibly fall asleep (which happens most of the time when I do end up crying, even if it is only for an hour or two) And since I can't complain to anyone in my family about it because I'd never hear the end of it, I came here instead. I'm not even entirely sure why.

Anyone got any music recommendations? Because I feel like something inside of me is losing control, and I just want something to listen to, since it usually helps me feel better. I'm just getting a little tired of the music I already have and I'm a little curious to what other people listen to. Just please no rap, and preferably none of the very popular songs of today that I can find easily enough. Please and thank you.

Music for concentrating

Normally I have a hard time concentrating on schoolwork, what with it being noisy and/or distracting at home. Then my older brother showed me this music site last night, and so far it seems to be helping me concentrate.

https://www.focusatwill.com/

I did a little test last night with my schoolwork, doing a few lessons and a quiz, and it seems like I'm getting actually slightly worse grades than without any music (and by slight, I mean a percent or two difference, nothing really serious) But considering that the music helps me block out some of the more distracting but slight sounds around the house that would otherwise normally give me even worse grades, I'm happy with it.

Also, try googling Music for Programming if that doesn't work for you. It's music for programmers to listen to so that they don't get as distracted and concentrate better (or something like that) but it also seems to help me with my schoolwork.

Random Minecraft...?

     I probably don't come here often enough. Not only because this is a blog, even though I'm still not entirely sure why I made it in the first place, but also because a lot of the time I come here to rant on about things and it makes me feel better. Helping me keep a grip on my sanity and calmness that everyone seems to know me as. Some days it's a lot easier than others, where I'm struggling to keep the mask I hide behind on, even when everything seems to irritate me. But somehow I manage not to get too angry.

     But that's probably not an entirely good thing either, is it? Bottling up all the bad feelings inside me and not letting them go. I imagine that someday I'm either going to snap and do something I really regret (the thought of which scares me really badly sometimes) or snap and just finally go crazy. Or something like that. I don't really know.

     Anyways, I don't really feel like struggling with trying to write down my feelings, so let me think of something else to write about...um...

     Soooo......I started playing Minecraft again. Back to chopping down the forest and flattening hills. I could probably go a lot faster on Creative mode, but for some reason I'm very opposed to the idea. It feels like I'm cheating somehow, so instead I just go on Survival and set it to Peaceful mode (which doesn't really make much sense to me...but oh well)

     I've been using stone pickaxes and shovels for...a long time now. My older brother complained about it earlier, so I finally got some iron and made some iron stuff, but I figure that if I have that much cobblestone, shouldn't I use at least some of it? Besides, it's not like it makes much of a difference right now to me. The shovels seem to last the same amount of time (I'm pretty sure it doesn't, but I don't really track time all that much so I don't really care)

     I'm actually really glad I have it set to peaceful, because when I first entered one of the gaping holes to find some iron, the very first thing I found was a dungeon. I don't actually mind the mobs appearing and all that, since it's actually fun/easy killing them so long as you have a sword (not skeletons though. They're annoying) but I really don't feel like dealing with them most of the time. Especially not when my brother gets me to play with him and then we're out fighting mob after mob anyways. No, this particular world I'm trying something different from mob fighting and trying to find diamonds right away (though I'll get there eventually I suppose) It's really boring terraforming like how I am, but in it's own way it's satisfying somehow.

     Anyways, I've got some drafts for posts about more serious stuff that I should probably finish. I already know that most of them I'll end up scrapping anyways (which is also a reason why I don't post as much...) I've also got some other stuff to do. Mostly concerning playing some more Minecraft and doing chores. Blegh. But oh well.