Birthdays and Favoritism

My birthday is another 2 months away, and yet here I am, going to go on about how much I hate it.

I used to love my birthday. I would get presents, and apart from my sister being nasty because she's jealous, everyone would be nice to me. I didn't really ever have any birthday parties, because with 4 kids (later 6 when my little siblings were born) it can get expensive for parties. We were promised a party for our 13th, 16th, and 18th (and possibly 21st, though I can't remember about that one...) birthdays. The last birthday party I had was when I was in fifth grade, which would put me at...my 11th birthday, I believe. Sounds right, since I was supposed to get a party in 7th grade, two years later for my 13th birthday. I say 'supposed to' because I never did get it. I can't remember exactly, but I couldn't get one because my little sister was born later that year and there wasn't enough money for it or something along those lines.

Anyways, I don't really care for the parties. I don't even have any friends even if my parents would allow me to have a party this year (turning 18) I'm not even sure why I brought it up.

No, I think I'm here more to complain about favoritism. Last year, I got a bike for my birthday. It was $60-70, since I can't remember the exact price. That's all I got. My sister later got $100 for her birthday to choose what she wanted, and my younger brother got a DSi for his birthday and a 3ds game, which was by accident because my parents didn't know that it wouldn't work on the DSi (Though it was made up in Christmas when he got a game to replace it) I'd mention my older brother here, but he gets money and I don't know what he does with it, and my two youngest siblings are little and they're spoiled anyways, so I'd be surprised if they didn't get more than the rest of us do. So in a way, my younger brother actually did get the most price-wise last year.

I should probably bring Christmas here as well, since it also may extend to that. I got a DSi XL for Christmas, a game to go with it, and some stocking stuffers not worth mentioning since we all got the same thing more or less. My sister got an expensive handbag, wallet, and her phone that she's always one when she's not on her computer. I'm not sure if my phone was part of my Christmas present, since it was worked out between my older brother and my dad (my phone was my older brother's phone until he got a newer and better version) My little brother got 2 games, one to make up for the one he got on his birthday, and something else I can't remember (I didn't really see him opening his presents, since he was pretty much on the opposite side of the Christmas tree and I was helping the little siblings open their stuff) So maybe here I think I did get the most of the three of us. Especially since we, as in all of us kids, got a Kinect and Just Dance 4, and it's only really me that ever dances (my sister does too, when I can manage to drag her along)

I'm fine with my Christmas presents. I'll complain a bit about how I would've preferred something else over the DSi, since I still have my DS Lite and it works fine for me, but I'm still happy with it. But my mom later told me that she pushed my dad to actually get a Kindle for me as well (as in the e-reader) The minute she told me that...I don't know. Something inside of me just...died, I suppose. I'm not as happy with them now as I was before she told me that. And the complaining part I mentioned especially comes in here. I would've loved to have a Kindle instead of the DSi. I love reading, and with the Kindle I'd be able to read more because I wouldn't have to lug my computer around, and I wouldn't need to worry about my phone's battery (I only ever read and play games on my phone, and the games take up a lot of the battery power it seems) But I think the main reason why I got the DSi was because my mom basically claimed my DS Lite. I don't even know if it's mine or hers. I would love to go and sell it for a little bit of money, but I don't even think I can.

Anyways, after my older brother and my youngest brother's birthdays is mine. I think my mom said something to me about how she's going to get my dad to spend more money on me than my sister this year, but I am holding no hope on that. My dad would only do something like that if I had straight A's in my schoolwork (which I currently do, even if they're not the highest percentage that I can possibly get) be far ahead, if not done with the school year (definitely not going to be done any time soon, and unless I can get a lot peace and quiet, not far ahead either) He expects us all to be good, not just me, but sometimes it seems like I'm the only one that really does make an effort there. But because I'm smart enough, my parents always seem disappointed in me if I don't have super high grades. They put no such pressure on my siblings, who get by fine so long as they don't have D's or F's. It's not fair.

I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this post. I do know that I had no inclination at all to write about this an hour ago. What sparked me to write this would be my little brother saying about how dad owed him some money for chores he did for him (which only ever happens to him, considering how I still haven't gotten any money since...I don't know. Probably half a year ago or more? While he's gotten various small tasks that he's been offered and paid for) And then my older brother saying how he wanted to try getting our dad to get Minecraft for me for my birthday. Something about that mix just has me crying while I write this, and complaining to myself about how nothing ever seems to be fair. Because while I do want Minecraft, if my brother does convince our dad to get it for me, I'm afraid that I'll be stuck with only that and maybe some other cheap thing. I really don't want that. I don't even have much hope on going to Medieval Times for my birthday, which I really want to do.

So yeah, this is pretty much pointless. But I just wanted to get it out of my system instead of cry silently for an hour or two and possibly fall asleep (which happens most of the time when I do end up crying, even if it is only for an hour or two) And since I can't complain to anyone in my family about it because I'd never hear the end of it, I came here instead. I'm not even entirely sure why.

Anyone got any music recommendations? Because I feel like something inside of me is losing control, and I just want something to listen to, since it usually helps me feel better. I'm just getting a little tired of the music I already have and I'm a little curious to what other people listen to. Just please no rap, and preferably none of the very popular songs of today that I can find easily enough. Please and thank you.