Merry Christmas!

Okay, so technically it's a few hours before midnight here where I am, but I'm not sure I'll get a chance to do much tomorrow, so...

Merry Christmas!

Or if you don't celebrate Christmas for whatever reason, Happy Holidays (or if you don't celebrate any holidays, then...you don't get any special greeting, I guess)

So yeah, I'm not coming on here that much. I have no real excuse for November since my last post, but I am somewhat happy with the fact that I do have legitimate reasons for not coming on much in December.

Since I can honestly not remember if I ever mentioned this before and I'm too lazy to find out, I have 8 people in my family including me. And three of them have their birthdays in December (my younger brother, mom, and dad) So we've been celebrating that a bit.

Also, had to do some spring cleaning (more like winter cleaning, but whatever) and I'm planning on making music with my dad. Also I've been studying to get my GED...and at some point my dad's going to drive me and my siblings to the local college to enroll for classes there for it so we actually can get it, so I'm not sure how much time I'll have once that happens and we start taking classes. I was too late in studying to get it this year, unfortunately.

And also, my little siblings started going to public school earlier in the year (did I mention that?) My mom is a frequent helper there at the school, and she often drags me along to help (which has its advantages)

And I've been making too many cookies (they taste better than the store-bought stuff though) for no particular reason.

And dealing with the self-diagnosed bipolar disorder/depression. I'm still way too scared to talk to my mom about it, and though I had a while of feeling "up", now it seems like I'm back "down". It's very tiring to go through it all...but the more I look back, the more I realize that this is a pattern that repeats itself.

I will try to remember to put something else up before the new year. But I make no promises, because I might forget.

Random notes

Time for some random stuff that I feel like getting out here for some odd reason. Enjoy, don't enjoy. This is just here for randomness...

It's snowing here where I am! Wish I could take a picture, but I don't have my phone...and it's now accumulating.

I'm studying to get my GED...hopefully I can take it before the year ends and the new harder one comes out.

My parents are going to let me dye my hair blue! (My mom was fine with it to begin with, my dad wasn't happy, she talked to him, and now he'll pay for it because whether he paid for it or not I would've gotten it blue...you have no idea how happy I am because of that)

A few days ago I got leftover Halloween candy for $8 USD on sale...if it was original prices, I would've paid over $25 USD.

I still have Halloween candy left! And my brother finished his practically before the night ended!

I've got a doctors appointment near the end of the month where I'm going to be getting a shot (forgot for what exactly, but apparently the shot is bad enough to cause a burning sensation and a lot of pain, but the first shot for it that I got just felt like a regular shot...it was actually a lot less painful than the last time I went in for shots, anyways)

Baking soda for toothpaste works out better for me...and apparently (according to my older brother, who I'm not sure if I can always trust his word for everything) toothpaste has crude oil in it...but according to Google by searching "toothpaste crude oil" and skimming over the results, it does seem to be true...

Baking soda shampoo works wonders far better than chemical shampoos...going to be trying using an egg instead of conditioner next time I wash my hair. Also, olive oil makes my hair soft :)

Jolly Rancher chews are better than the hard candies.

Happy Halloween! Here are some cartoon theories that might ruin your childhood...

Happy Halloween! Enjoy a rather creepy post that has nothing to do with the actual holiday!

I was listening to a Vocaloid song the other day that sparked my interest...and led me down a road full of crazy that would've ruined my childhood if I didn't find it so interesting.

So, if you're a fan of the cartoons (I'm going over Rugrats, Ed, Edd, and Eddy, Pokemon, Phineas and Ferb, and Courage the Cowardly Dog) and you don't want the image of that ruined, do yourself a favor and don't read the rest of this post.

However, if you're like me and want to see what theories other people have made up about them, by all means continue reading. Because while some are insane and can't possibly be real, others have a disturbing sense of realism that could actually fit...

Disclaimer: All these theories are not real. They are made for entertainment purposes only. Or to scare people maybe. Point is, they're not real.

Also, this post contains topics that younger audiences might not want to read and can possibly ruin your childhood memories of the shows I mentioned. Read at your own risk.

It's getting closer to Halloween...

I've got 3 drafts that I'm working on...they'll be up eventually. But for now I do want to post something.

So now it's the time of year for...Halloween. Everyone celebrates it differently. Some people go over the top and decorate their house like others would do for Christmas (there's this house in my neighborhood that does that...well, two really...but it's creepy and cool at the same time) Others more or less shun anyone mentioning the holiday. My family just goes along with it. I see it as an opportunity to get some free candy (and if we actually ever bothered doing anything, it would also be a chance to scare some kids...well, teens actually...scaring little kids is wrong)

I know that some people (if they ever read this) would think badly of me for saying this, but I still go out for the candy. I plan to this year, and I'm 18.

Me looking at acapella covers

Okay, so I'm on YouTube looking for songs I'm familiar with, but different versions...right now I'm looking at acapella versions of One Direction songs (can't believe that I'm still partly obsessed with them...or that I managed to get my sister obsessed with them too...) so I'll be posting some videos that I found interesting.

I found my old diary and now I'm scared

So I just found my diary that I got when I was probably 7 or 8. I'm not sure because I didn't start dating my passages until 2006 (there's a huge gap in between that first dated passage and the previous one though) But I did write in it for a period in 2006, 2008, two entries in 2010, and a passage daily for nearly three months in 2011 and not again since.

Now that I'm rereading through the passages, I realize that I was a much happier child than I am now. I worried about stupid things that kids worried about (and even said more than a few times that my siblings bothered me and I said I didn't want to talk or play with them ever again...which obviously failed if I'm still talking to them today)

Are you ready for the zombie apocalypse?

Yes, I'm being somewhat serious with the title. You can blame World War Z for inspiring this post.

I'm not a big fan of zombies. They're downright creepy because in a very general sense, zombies are the animated flesh of dead humans that bite living creatures and infect them and in turn increase the zombie population that continue searching for life to infect. And in some cases (not all of them though) they will eat you, or at least parts of you, in the process of infecting you.

And if you don't find that creepy at all, I'm going to say that I find something wrong with you (but don't take it too seriously, because I don't really mean it and I'm sure you'd find something wrong with me as well somewhere along the way. My opinion is just an opinion) Because there are few things more disturbing in my eyes.

But other than the general sense of what they are and do, zombies are kind of repellant to me because they're like animals in the sense of they think based on instinct, not actual thoughts like humans do. In some cases, you get them talking and moaning "Brains" while they try to bite/eat you, but other than that I don't think I know of any other talking zombies. I actually enjoy reading books involving animals as the main characters, but they're also mostly just animals with very human-like thinking processes that I'm not sure that real animals possess. I'm very reliant on my thoughts and don't think I'd too well with instincts alone, so that might be why I don't like them too much in that area.

So yeah, when I think of the word "zombie", I think of what you read above this. In most cases, I forget about the subject really fast and continue my train of thought into something more interesting. But since watching World War Z, it's been slightly stuck in my head (don't even ask how it's possible for something to be only slightly stuck in my head)

See, I was thinking a bit and remembered about a picture I saw on one of those funny picture sites some time ago where there was a poll on Facebook asking whether people wanted world peace or the zombie apocalypse more, and there were more votes on the zombie apocalypse than world peace. Then I remembered about people that I knew of somehow (I can't remember where I saw them, but I'm sure that they exist) who were completely psyched about the idea of a zombie apocalypse, and in turn about chain posts that asked what your weapon would be in the case of a zombie apocalypse, and so on.

And so (finally) my starter question is: Do you wish for the zombie apocalypse?

The headache known as the Evillious Chronicles

For any Kingdom Hearts fans out there that know how complex the entire series is...I found something that matches the level of complexity. And what makes it worse (to me) is that it's mainly a bunch of songs that make it up.

Yep, a bunch of songs telling a story. A while back I did an interpretation of the Synchronicity Vocaloid series (which I will probably redo at some point) and thought it was confusing and I believe I mentioned the Evillious Chronicles in the post. Maybe, maybe not, I'm not going to go check now. This is exactly that.

So yeah, the Evillious Chronicles are a headache spanning quite a few Japanese songs, novels, and mangas, as well as probably some other resource I'm not aware of at this moment. I'm busy trying to decipher what I can from the (unfinished as of writing this post) story and will probably not post anything too useful (if at all) until then (and I will be making a post of some sort about it when I am done with all current materials that I can find) so I just wanted to let anyone who might actually be reading this know...

And if you want to check the series yourself, here's the link to the Wiki dedicated to it...you're gonna need it.

http://theevilliouschronicles.wikia.com/

Looking for Kingdom Hearts Fanfictions

Ehm, so...I'm looking for some decent Kingdom Hearts fanfictions that mostly follow the general idea of Kingdom Hearts (Keyblades, Heartless/Nobodies, etc.) and are not AU (Alternate-Universe, such as the characters going to high school) and are not slash pairings (boy/boy or girl/girl) There's nothing wrong with them and there are people who are like that but...sometimes it gets to be a bit much. Other requirements include (but don't necessarily need to be included) the story being completed, a long length, and multiple stories in a series.

And while I do look for stories, I think I'm going to make a list of them here...because there are stories I've read a few years ago that I would love to re-read, but for the life of me I can't remember anything that would help me in a search.

I'm currently looking for stories because I have this awesome idea to write a fanfic myself that I so far haven't seen anywhere else (but I won't disclose any details here because I'm still in the process of figuring out the beginning, most characters, and the order of worlds I'm going to end up using eventually) I'm not going to copy anything I read, it's just that I can't play the games right now and can only really read stories, and it's a bit of a change seeing the Kingdom Hearts universe in written words and not as gameplay. And reading these stories might inspire me to write my story a lot faster so I can get it out of my head (it's actually really annoying sometimes since it's been stuck in my head for more than a year, but I think that it's awesome all the same)

As of right now, there are no stories on this list, but it will be updated as I finish reading stories. I'll probably end up categorizing them, as I'm probably going to end up reading a broad range of fics. Or I might end up moving the list to another site and linking to it...I have no idea what the best way to go about this would be.

If you have any recommendations, I'd love to hear it. I do have a list of things to read already though, so I might not get to it immediately...

Problems

Jeez, where did August go?

I've got a doctor's appointment tomorrow. The first one in...I think 3 years. That's when I last remember going to get shots (which weren't nearly as bad as childhood memories made them out to be, gotta say that) I've gotta try seeing if I can talk to the doctor because I'm pretty positive I have some form of depression, but chances are that I won't because 1) my mom will probably be in there as well, if not my younger brother as well (I honestly have no idea, but I really do hope that I'm alone...) 2) I hate talking to people, like I really can't talk to people even if I want to, and 3) It'll be pretty embarrassing, not to mention annoying, if I do have depression and they tell my mom. I mean, it's not like she'll really try doing anything to make me feel better.

A sad, but probably true, fact would be that I think that most of my family members have some sort of problem.

Music on my Brain

La la la la la la la~
Ooh, music on my brain~
La la la la la la la la~
I've got music on my brain


(Is that something original, or does it actually exist somewhere...? I wonder...because that would make an excellent song...and now I think I will make my own song of that...wow...)


I've got music on my brain, as you can probably tell. Stuff like One Direction (still surprised on that subject, but I got my sister hooked on them, which I'm sure the fanbase will thank me for...) Demi Lovato (from her new album and old ones alike, there are quite a few awesome songs that I love) Secondhand Serenade (okay, so maybe not that popular, I have no idea, but I love the piano and the not-really-love-songs...well, the songs I like anyways) Little Mix (they sound amazing, and their songs are...different to me) Ed Sheeran (amazing guitar, especially in Little Bird) The Wanted (Actually, you can blame, or thank, One Direction for Little Mix, Ed Sheeran, and the Wanted, because I'd never heard of/barely heard of them before One Direction...I'm quite thankful though, because the UK people sound better in my ears than the people from USA or other places somehow...and it's not just because I find their accents intriguing...) Selena Gomez (not entirely fond of her new album, but like with Demi I'm re-finding a lot of her older songs better to listen to as well) There was someone else as well, but I can't remember it right now.


So yeah, not too interesting, seeing the stuff I like listening to. But I felt like mentioning it. Because that's not the only music stuck on my brain.

Amusement Park

I'm not supposed to have internet right now...but I feel like I have to put something up here, so here I am.

So, in the past week (just over a week, really) I've celebrated both of my sister's birthdays. Their birthdays are only a week apart exactly. I'm happy because for both we went to the Santa's Village amusement park some ways away (really, apart from Six Flags, it's about the only amusement park there is nearby, and because of all the death reports my mom has heard about Six Flags, she's never taking us there) We were actually supposed to go there all summer with season passes, but my dad didn't buy them, and school for my little siblings starts next week, so there's no point in getting them now.

Lyrics and translation of Verskietende Sterre

So yeah, I found this song some time ago. Same artist as Koning van Harte, by the way.  And since it's really annoying trying to find a translation for it, I guess I'm making another translation post. Actually, the Afrikaans lyrics are out there if you do some digging, possibly English too, but if I type in a song name followed by 'lyrics' into Google, I want the lyrics in the first result, or at the very least the first page. So, I'm just doing both. Besides, it's some practice with writing/reading Afrikaans...

There's the video. I don't really know what to make of it. I'm not much of a fan of music videos, so don't think too much of my opinion on that.

Keep reading for the lyrics!

YASU (Yet Another Status Update)

Just so that if anyone's wondering...I'm still here. Sort of. Still bogged down with schoolwork, but I've gotten English done now too. But now I'm stuck with Physics and Math. And if it takes me two weeks to procrastinate and get done with English (I did half the year yesterday alone to finish it to have internet today) I'm sure that if I actually tried, and had pencils and paper readily available, I could get one of those done in a week or two, depending on how much it confuses me and how much of it actually makes sense to me and how much help I can get.

But for now, I don't see myself coming on here very often until that's all done (and when I'm done, I'll be very glad) On the other hand, I might not finish before the end of the month (totally plausible at this moment) and might end up going to public school and only have internet on weekends if my grades are good (which I doubt they will be with the amount of work they give you) So, I'm going to try and finish up before then...

There is a bright side to not having internet for long periods of time, though. I'm becoming less dependant on the internet for satisfaction (though I'm still sitting on my butt now that I have, so I'm still working on that) and it's also making me sick of some of the online games I've been playing because I have notifications piling up and I really don't want to sort through them because they're just going to pile up again when I don't have internet.

I think that that may be part of the reason why I'm not trying harder on my schoolwork. It is a good thing, really. Boring and annoying, but still actually good.

Last note: This is more of a status update than anything, and I'm sure that if there's anyone actually following this blog then you're probably sick of them by now, but I hope to have a more meaningful post up somewhere during the weekend. I have some ideas...

Another subject done!

Whee! Done with Bible! Tomorrow I'm tackling English (or Physics or Math depending if I can get some help from someone)

'nother update

Blegh, still busy with schoolwork. Technically I'm not allowed to have internet, but it seems that I can load all sites attached to Google (including Blogger and YouTube) and Wikipedia, so I'm exploiting that for now to write this.

Well, I could've had proper internet over the weekend if I had finished up Bible, but instead I procrastinated on it and played Minecraft instead and terraformed the island I started on (I've gotten pretty far, actually, using only stone tools)

So now I need to finish that up before the week is over (I'll work on that as soon as I'm done here and hopefully get Bible done tonight, otherwise tomorrow hopefully) so I can internet on the weekend. Then I'm stuck with Physics, Math, and English...English is next, since that really just requires me reading Hamlet and doing a few other things and will be the next quickest thing for me to do.

Also, since this seems to be a random, kind of pointless post that has nothing really important in it, I added highlights to my hair! Instead of being this plain dark brown color (with no natural highlights) I've got these lighter brown/blonde streaks a little randomly over my head. It actually looks kinda cool, if not somewhat freaky because I still need to get used to these little blond hairs coming in my eyes when it's loose instead of them being brown and all that.

Sooo...I can't think of anything else to say, so I guess I'll just stop here and continue with schoolwork.

School updates...

You know those schoolwork issues I wrote about however long ago? About me being far behind?

Yeah...internet is being grounded now until I get caught up. The only reason I'm on right now is because I got really motivated to do schoolwork because I am bored playing Solitaire on my computer (I've played nearly 6,000 games on this computer now...) and I did the half a year of schoolwork I needed to do for History/Economics today.

Now if only I could do the rest of my subjects that fast...Bible and English are the next easiest. I'm just not motivated to do either, but otherwise I can do them relatively fast. I still have work dating back from December/January from them, so I hope (but seriously doubt) that I can get at least one of those done by next weekend so I can internet then.

But Physics? And Pre-calculus? Bleh, they're probably going to take me a few weeks at this rate...or maybe I'll get lucky and actually figure out how to do it and get somewhere with it! But still, unless I'm really motivated by the lack of internet, I don't think that I'll have them done soon.

Either way, I'm planning on being done by August (or being within a month of being done) I have no intentions whatsoever of going back to public school to repeat my final year of school. Or just repeating the school year period.

Of course, I'll have to go to college eventually, so I guess I'm not in my final year, but since I have no idea what I actually want to do with my life I don't plan on going there soon. I know that it's going to be somethng to do with art (writing, singing, instrument of some sort, or drawing/digital art) but I have no idea further than that.

Still, it's better than my sister. She can't even tell you what she's good at...I at least can.

Lyrics and translation of Koning Van Harte

So I found this song on YouTube a few weeks ago when I was looking for some music. And since then, it's been stuck in my head, demanding for me to write down the lyrics. After doing some searching on Google, it doesn't look like there's any lyrics for this, let alone the translation, so I'm putting up both the Afrikaans and the English lyrics. Or maybe I just did a lazy job in searching, I don't really know or care.

(By the way, the girl in the video kinda looks like Selena Gomez...I showed this to my sister, and she said that she thought it was her...just a random note)

First up is what the book says in the beginning of the video. Just if you're wondering :)

Die Koning Van Harte
Eendag lank gelede was daar 'n koning wat alleen in 'n kasteel gebly het
Hy was beroemd as die koning  van harte en het oral ver en wyd gesoek vir 'n hart wat by syne sal pas

Translated, it means:
The King of Hearts
One day long ago there was a king that lived alone in a castle
He was renowned as the king of hearts and searched everywhere far and wide looking for a heart that would fit his

The "looking for a heart that would fit his" might be translated to "looking for a heart that would suit his", but I like the way how I translated it, because when I think of the word "pas" with things, I think of the word "fit", kind of like two puzzle pieces fitting together. It could also mean "match". Like, a specific shirt and pants match each other well.

Am I a...fan?

You know, I honestly thought that I'd be completely sick of One Direction by now...It's been almost three months since I've started listening to their music, and I still like them. Yeah there's still a few songs that irritate me to no end (which happens with any artist, so it's not too strange or anything) but for the most part I still enjoy them.

In fact, I seem to be smiling more often. I find myself laughing at nothing in particular when I listen to their music.

...

...

...yeah, if I were able to actively tell the difference between Louis and Liam, I'd say I was a "proper-ish" fan. Something that I've always been sort of interested in, since I've never cared about anything enough to want to consider being a "proper" fan (well, except maybe Kingdom Hearts. That's a sort of different story) but I've always wondered about it.

Oreo cereal

So...me and my little siblings had dirt cups yesterday in place of apple pudding (apples and oranges are the two fruits that I will never eat, unless it's flavored candy, and even then most of the time not)

But I forgot to get regular Oreos. So we had "beach" Oreos with the sherbert flavored Oreos. It was surprisingly good, almost better than the regular ones.

Of course, I was going to make another one for me today, but they ate all the gummy worms...typical. So I started eating on the remaining smashed up Oreos, and my mom told me to put it in a bowl and eat it with a spoon, because it is a sticky mess eating it.

And I did. Not last night when I ate some, but today, earlier. There was almost enough to fill the bowl I use, about the same amount as what I have when I eat cereal that isn't Cream of Wheat.

Then I took it to my mom and older sister to show them how much it was. And my mom joked and asked if I was going to put milk in it and eat it like that.

But it sounded like a good idea, so I put milk in. Oreos and milk (any cookies and milk, really) go well together, and since I can't dip the crumbles in milk, I might as well put some milk in the bowl and enjoy it like that.

It was weird. It looked like cereal, had the same texture as most cereals I've had after I've left it to get all soggy, and tasted pretty close to some of the ones I've had before. But it was cookies and milk. Nowhere near as healthy as cereal (and even a lot of cereals aren't all that healthy for you) but it's similar.

I'd do it again. I will do it again. Just not with the sherbert Oreos, because they taste nauseatingly sweet after two or three cookies for me (some people think that things like Warheads candies are sour...they're not to me. But give me or my mom something sweet like Hershey's chocolate, and we'll start pulling faces very fast)

So yeah, if you have cookies crumbs somewhere, and you're not allergic to milk or lactose intolerant (yes, there is a difference. I should know, because my older siblings are lactose intolerant, while my younger brother is allergic) you should try it. It's pretty fun.

Schoolwork confessions

So, summer is here. Almost here. Whatever you choose. Some schools are already closed, others will soon.

Me? Being homeschooled is strange to me still. I feel like I'm in a permanent summer vacation. I'm not done with my school year yet. I'm actually far behind. Far enough behind that my dad is considering sending me to public school in the fall if I don't get it done by then.

And the thing is, I'm not sure if I can get it all done by then. And I really don't want to go to a public school. I switched to homeschooling to get away from that.

I don't mind school. I really don't. But when it comes to public schools, there's just too much work to do with too little time, and it's the people I mind. And when it comes to homeschooling, I just can't concentrate. Too many people cooped up, making a noise.

That, and I can't get motivated to do anything but play games. Even games are boring after five minutes, to be honest. But I need to do something, and some games I play to keep myself busy, even though I can't really concentrate on it.

I know that I should try talking to my parents about this. I have tried. They just assume it's from all the noise that I can't concentrate, and can't do very well. But I get too scared to tell them that I can't do the work not necessarily because of the noise, but sometimes because I just can't do it.

My schoolwork passes through my thoughts several times through the day, especially late at night. I keep telling myself that I'll do some work every time it does, but I never do anything, or if I do it's maybe a lesson or two. Not much.


But another problem is the schoolwork itself. Take English, for example. Right now I'm stuck with learning stuff about Shakespeare's era of time (and will be reading Hamlet later on) I don't find it interesting. It's plenty confusing, and even though it's easy enough to memorize what I need to know, I can't do it. Same goes for history.

Then there's Bible (this is a Christian-based homeschool program) Much like English and history, I can memorize what I need to know (and use the Bible where I need to memorize verses) but it's slightly harder because they ask questions that require answers I can't really give. They'd be easy to answer, but I can never seem to find the words to put it down as. And also because the schoolwork is trying to encourage me to find some job in the church or something along those lines, and I am not interested in that whatsoever.

Math. I'm doing pre-calculus. This is the subject that I am furthest behind, only barely behind Physics. These two subjects are horrible for me. Whereas the other three only really require memorization, I have to work out problems here.

And that would be fine if I understood anything. The lessons they give are awful. They give one or two pitiful examples without really explaining how they got the answer and expect you to figure it out. So I'm stuck with trying to find something on the internet to help me.

Yes, my mom tells me to ask my older brother for help if I need it (she's no good at math, which is why I can't ask her) And I tell her I will if I need it, but I don't. All he does is direct me to the internet as well. In the end I have to work it out myself anyways.

So maybe school would be helpful for those two subjects. Maybe, depending on the teacher. Some are helpful, others are not.


I have no idea what my point here is. I just feel really bad because my schoolwork is so far behind, and I need to vent out my frustrations of it somewhere, otherwise I'll end up crying about it, and if I do that then my family will bug me and make me feel worse.

I hate being so far behind. I hate the fact that I could've been done with this months ago. I hate that I can't get the motivation to do anything. And I especially hate that I don't know how to fix this.

Maybe it's because nothing ever changes and I'm stuck in a boring daily routine that I can't change. Maybe it's because there's something wrong with me (who knows? My little brother has a learning disability of some sort, and my mom said that a lot of kids don't realize that they have one until high school, so maybe I do too...though I'm leaning towards depression being my main problem) Maybe it's really only because of the noise. I don't really know, but I just can't do the schoolwork.

The worst part? My parents know that I'm months behind in my schoolwork, depending on which subject you're looking at. What they don't know is that I don't expect to get it done with "good" grades (their idea of good grades from me specifically is straight A's, which is something I'm not capable of doing, I don't care what they say) That's another thing that's preventing me from doing work. They think I'm perfect. But I'm not, and I never will be. But everytime I try telling them that, they don't want to listen.

Eh...status update?

Peh. I'm busy translating a song for my next post, but I can't hear what the singer is singing at one point (I have this problem with any song, but unlike most songs in English, I can't find any lyrics whatsoever online for the song, so I have no idea what he's singing) So now I've got to wait until my mom is finally not busy to show it to her so I can finish. Might take a while though :(

Also, I've found that instead of putting up random super short posts here about my day that are completely irrelevant to anything (which in all truths is what this blog is all about really) I'm going to be putting up random stuff as status updates on Google+. Including the smaller things that I woudn't put here anyways.

Also, I'm very slowly seeing if I can actually find someone to talk to...still working on that, but it's better than what I was doing a month ago *laughs* I'm still trying to see what communities there are that I'd be interested in, but at least I'm looking :) Though I have to say...the chain share things where they say you have to repost/share/whatever or else this and that will happen is really annoying. But the funny things and other things that make me smile more than make up for it :)

My sister

Ah, had my computer taken away temporarily yesterday. My older sister (really, it is sometimes very hard to believe that she's the older one) was throwing a tantrum and having a bad attitude, saying that our mom never punishes me or our brother whenever we don't do our chores. She does actually, but my sister seems to be blind (and not just because her eyesight is really bad because she refuses to wear her glasses...which don't even work for her anymore because her eyesight has deteriorated further) to that fact.

And now that our dad's home, he and my mom had a talk with her. For once it was a talk and not a yell session, so I don't really know what they said. But she's in a lot of trouble.

I'm actually really worried about my sister. Angry, yes, but worried too.

See, the last time we went to the doctors to get a checkup, we were both told that we were really underweight. We needed to eat more (that's a high metabolism for you) or we'd end up in the hospital. This was quite some time ago, but since then I'm pretty sure I've picked up at least a little weight (but I have no idea really, since I have no idea how I much I weigh now or did then)

I am a Warrior

So, I've actually gotten around to actually listening to Demi Lovato's new album. I mean, I've actually listened to the songs already, but more like I just heard them without listening, if that makes any sense.

But I was listening to the songs earlier. And I like some of them a lot. I think that they sound pretty impressive voice-wise, especially comparing to her previous album.

And there are three songs that really hit me: Nightingale, Two Pieces, and Warrior. The others I don't really care so much about (though Something That We're Not reminds me of Magic from One Direction...) but I really like those three songs. In this post I'll go on a bit about Warrior, and my story of why I think I'm a warrior.

Need help with names

M'kay, I've got a question, You know the fractal on the background of this blog? (The one that kinda looks like a flower) And the one with the name of the blog on it? (The swirly blue thingy)

If you had to give them names, what would you name them? Because I want to upload them to Deviantart (by the way, the blue fractal is only a part of the full picture...it's the very center part of the swirly thing, not necessarily the picture though) and suck completely with coming up with names.

Also, I've figured out how to share stuff from Deviantart from my Google+ account, so whenever I upload a new fractal there I'll share it. I really don't know how to use Google+ or Facebook...and I'm getting kinda concerned because I kinda want to learn when I never did before...

So anyways, if anyone could help me come up with names, that'd be awesome. Because that's the main reason why I've only got 9/100 (currently) fractals uploaded to my Deviantart.

New bed

Wha! New bed! It dominates nearly half of my room, but I like it :)

We painted that last wall, then took some time to get the futon out of my little sibling's room (my younger brother refused to dismantle the frame thingy) moved my old bed in there, and then moved the queen sized bed into my room.

And even though I'm still waiting on the blanket (it's in the wash because the blanket that was on here needs to be thrown out, and the one I'll be using was in a closet for I don't know how long and smells like the closet...which smells like the kind of tea that I can't stand drinking) it's still pretty cool. Now I can lie down and stretch and barely be able to get my fingers and toes over the edge like I used to be able to do before I had growth spurts :) And considering that half the time I end up sleeping with my head about a quarter of the way down the bed instead of against the wall, that's pretty nice.

Paint

My room is even more cluttered with the stuff from my parents' room, because they've moved more out of the way so that they can paint the walls.

Finally, after nearly ten years (this summer woud've made ten) we're getting rid of that awful teal color. Normally I like teal, it being one of my more favorite colors, but this one looks pretty bad. And it's flat paint, whereas the rest of the house that we've painted over since moving here is semi-gloss paint.

So yeah, there are three of the four walls painted. The last wall will be painted tomorrow, because that's when they move the bed to my room (and if I think my room is crowded now, I just have to wait until then) And, it's getting too dark to paint now.

My thoughts so far on Metroid: Other M

There are times when I hate going along with my mom when she goes shopping during the week. Most of the time I just walk around trying to keep an eye on my younger siblings and have no fun with it, where I could be at home doing something I enjoy better.

But there are also times when it's worth it. Take the other day, for example. We went shopping to this store where everything is $5 and under, and I found Metroid: Other M on sale. I've played Metroid Prime Hunters for the DS, and Metroid Prime 3: Corruption for the Wii (not sure if those are the real names, but I haven't played them in probably more than a year by now) and I liked them. Actually, I think I still need to finish 3...

Anyways, I like them. They're a nice challenge for me when I play them. So when we found out about Other M when it came out I have no idea when, me and my older brother wanted to get it.

Of course, we also earned no money back then, so it never happened. So I'm really glad that I picked the game up at the store. Especially at that price. (Now if they could only get the Kingdom Hearts series there...still need to get Birth by Sleep especially...)

Yes, the game is a bit confusing, and the controls are annoying. Having to hold the remote sideways to move and fire basic shots, then switching to pointing the remote at the sensor bar to fire missles and other more accurate shots (and scanning things) but not being able to move, and finally holding the remote up straight and holding A to restore health or missiles is very annoying. For some people it would be very hard to adjust to those controls. For me, it's annoying, but managable. Mostly because I just attack everything in sight first and only switch to pointing to the screen when I absolutely have to, but still.

I haven't gotten very far, due to only playing for a few hours total between today and whichever other day it was that I played the game. And I've missed out on a few details because I didn't put subtitles on and my younger siblings are extremely noisy (that, and the voices are sometimes really hard to hear over the other noises coming from the game) but I know enough for now, I think. It would probably help to play the other games. Which I might do eventually.

But yeah, I'll be playing the game more whenever it's quiet again and no one else is watching anything. It might be annoying with the controls, but I still like it. I might not have much of a clue what exactly is going on, but I don't really care either. The only way how I'm going to fix that is by learning the stories of the other games.

Trying to define the word 'lazy'

So, me and someone else were sort of talking about laziness. A friend actually, I suppose, but we don't really know each other. And laziness was brought up, and we tend to look at things and debate a bit about it and look at it from different perspectives, so it's had me wondering for a while.

What exactly is laziness? I know that I generally see it defined as someone who is unwilling to do something. (Also 'teenagers' by some, but...actually, if you take a look at it, I think teenagers sometimes do more work than adults. Not always, but sometimes. Of course, I also have my own definitions of 'work', so my judging may be off somewhat)

Taken from the Merriam Webster dictionary website, the definition for lazy is:

1: a: disinclined to activity or exertion : not energetic or vigorous

    b: encouraging inactivity or indolence < a lazy summer day >

2: moving slowly : Sluggish

3: droopy, lax < a rabbit with lazy ears >

4: placed on its side < lazy E livestock brand >

5: not rigorous or strict < lazy scholarship >

...But, I see it a bit differently. Keep reading if you want to see why.

Family ramblings

I'm finally getting around to reading the third book in the Delirium series...Barely got anywhere so far (thank you, highly distracting family, for distracting me and making me do more work than I wanted to) but it's already very interesting.

Also, my room feels smaller. I had to clean it the other day (I picked up all my clothes; I finally got a chance to use the washing machine again...my sister is bad at doing laundry) both because I could, and because on Sunday at the very latest I'm getting a bed upgrade. My mom and dad are getting their queen sized bed upgraded to a king sized bed, and since I'm the one stuck with the oldest mattress, I get their queen sized one. 'Course, I don't have it yet, since my dad still needs to sleep on it over the weekend, but unless the new bed comes in before Sunday, I'll get it then because that's when he leaves for work again.

My room will feel tiny. It already feels smaller because my mom was washing the carpets and had to move all the furniture out, and since my room is the nearest available room, I got a lot of stuff shoved in here (there is the room that my littlest siblings share, which is actually a double room, but it's already got enought junk in it, and the other two brothers share a room, so there's not enough place in their room. And my sister's room is downstairs) Now it's annoying to try and get to the curtains, so I guess that I won't be opening them for the next few days. Ah well. I think that I should enjoy the space that I still have though, because that new bed is going to dominate my room. I'm no expert on measurements, but I'm guessing that it'll take up over half of my room.

Keep reading for the rest of the post if you're interested. If you're not, then don't bother. Either way, it's your choice.

Ramblings about the Discworld series

I finished reading a book earlier called Sourcery by Terry Pratchett. It's the fifth published book of the Discworld series, but according to the suggested reading order chart I'm following, it's only the third I've read. Confusing thing, the suggested reading order, but still very helpful.

Now, this is a very funny series. The Discworld itself is quite literally a disc, where it really is possible to fall off the edge. The disc is held upon the backs of four huge elephants, which stand on the back of an even bigger turtle that swims through space.

Magic exists here, mainly in use by wizards, who are all (I think) male. If there's a female wizard, then I don't know about her. I think that one of the books said that this is because the wizards turn away the females because they'd probably be embarrasingly good at it. Oh, and a slightly random note, but the wizards are not allowed to get married and have kids, on the account of the eighth son of a wizard becoming a sourcerer, and wizards barely get along with other wizards, let alone a sourcerer.

Now, I'm not very far into the series, since there's a lot of books in it, but I really like it. The main character of the branch of the series I'm reading now is called Rincewind. He is an utter failure of a wizard, having only ever been able to manage to cast one spell. It says in the books something along the lines of him being doubtful of reaching level zero of wizardry, which everyone is born with. (Because in this series, wizards are ranked by levels, and you get promoted by wearing the pointy shoes of whoever was unfortunate enough to stand in your way. Assassinations are so common in this series that it's actually considered a normal cause of death for wizards) He's a coward, and runs away from everything. Quite literally. But because of this, he is still alive. He's actually quite funny like that, managing to escape Death's grasp quite a few times.

Oh, Death is real here, in the way of a grim reaper with a skull face carrying a scythe. He's funny to me :) And though I haven't gotten to it yet, there is another branch of the series that deals with Death. Actually his granddaughter (he has an adopted daughter, which is the girl's mother, not blood related) who somehow inherited powers from him.

I found this series when me and my mom were looking through Netflix a while ago and came across a movie called the Hogfather. We watched half of the movie (one of two parts) and I liked it so much, even though we have yet to watch the other half. Then we found the Colour of Magic movie, and I figured that they were related almost immediately, and when I looked it up, I found that it was actually a series of books, so I checked the book out from my library and I am loving it. One day when I have enough money that I don't mind buying a few books, I'll start building up this series. I know that I'll read this over and over :)

There's not much else I can say on the Discworld series. I mean, there is, but chances are that the more I read the more my opinions will change, and in the end it'll all be irrelevant anyways. All I'll say then, I suppose, is that I love this series. Oh, and a piece of luggage made from sapient pearwood is very useful, if not extremely dangerous. I want one :)

Weekend

So it's the start of another weekend. While I'm sure that a lot of you will be enjoying that fact, I couldn't really care either way.

What with homeschooling, everything feels like a permanent summer vacation, and the only reason I can ever tell weekends apart from weekdays is because my dad comes home from work.

I love seeing my dad come home. Even though most of the time I sit in my room and he in his, it's still nice. But that's about the only enjoyable part for me that sets it apart from the regular weekdays.

'Course, my mood for this weekend is also dampened because one of my siblings *cougholdersisterprobablycough* took some of my mom's cookies, and as a result we don't get our usual Friday/Saturday Subway sandwiches. Or at least it doesn't seem like it this week. And neither do we get cookies or chocolates or anything, even if we buy it with our own money. And I've only got one snack size Milky Way left.

Though actually, I'm used to it. It might also be because we've had a nice warm week with sun and everything where I could actually pull out the pair of shorts I have (we're trying to find more that I like that's not overly expensive, but so far no luck) and wear them, and today suddenly I'm back in my jeans and a sweater when we were going out. I don't mind changes in weather if they're gradual, but if they're sudden like that it really annoys me.

Now I wish it would just rain and get done with. Because instead of being unnaturally bright (to me, who likes living in a dark room with the curtains pulled shut, regular bright to everyone else) it's actually pretty dark from the clouds. But it might take a few days before the rain decides to come down. I'm just hoping it'll come sooner rather than later.

Taking a look at some of the "worst" characters in Super Smash Bros. Brawl

So, currently taking a small break from playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl with my sister. Yes, the one who loves complaining and gets frustrated with almost every game she plays (she wanted to throw Spyro away earlier, but our mom called her)

It's not very often that we get to spend some time together where we're actually agreeing on something and we're not pissed off at each other for whatever reason. So it's a nice change.

'Course, that's mostly because I set it to teams so I can't kill her ;)

No, seriously, I love the game. I'm at the very least decent with any character I play, but I'm not bad at any of them.

My best characters would be Peach, Zelda, Samus (especially Zero Suit Samus, she is awesome), Olimar (yes, I said Olimar), Ice Climbers, and Pit.

Funny thing, all the characters are great, and at the same time awful. You just need to learn how to play with them.

I used Peach because I fell in love with the frying pan/golf club/tennis racket attack in Super Smash Bros. for the Gamecube, as well as her ability to float around for a short while. That, and she's a girl. Enough said there, I should think.

Zelda, also because she's a girl, but also because using her B attack (whatever it's called, I have no idea for the names) saved me several times because of someone firing a super-charged Samus beam thingy at me. It was awesome when it backfired on them and they were shocked :) And changing into Sheik was cool as well.

And Samus, again, girl. Samus with her armor on is a pretty decent character, so long as you know how to use her, but I love Zero Suit Samus way better. I've won so many games using her.

Olimar I used because everyone who played the game with me complained about how he sucked. I tried him, found that he's actually pretty good, and now he's one of the top characters I like playing as. And his final smash move...awesome.

Ice Climbers I've always loved, even in the Gamecube game. I know that none of the other people I know don't like them because without the girl you're completely useless, but I still like them. For starters because there's two of them, and they can both pick up an item and throw/use it, and if the boy is asleep and the girl isn't, you can still control her a bit. Yeah, their final smash move sucks a bit, but it got Toon Link when we had to unlock him.

Pit. I love this guy mostly because he's an angel. Or has wings and looks like one at the very least. And because I like changing his color to black and making him look like a dark angel...anyways, he's pretty great. I think mostly because his B+up move (again, don't know the name) is probably the best one I've seen yet, if used correctly.

Eh, was going to stop here, but I'll talk some more about some other characters. Continue reading for the others :)

Haircut

So, I finally managed to get my mom to cut off all the split ends and dry hair. Now, instead of having my hair touch my butt when it's loose, it comes to the middle of my back where my bra strap is.

It. Is. Short.

Some people might say differently, but I've been growing my hair since I was maybe 5. Definitely before I was in first grade, because by then it was already at my hips, and my hair takes a long time to grow.

So yeah, having about half a foot of hair hacked off is really something different. It feels weird, and it's probably going to take me a week to actually get used to it being so short, but I'm glad. Now my hair is healthy again, and I can grow it out properly now.

It was funny, actually. My mom was cutting hair outside (easier cleanup) so when I walked inside when I was done, my older brother was standing in the kitchen. He pointed at me and yelled "Short!" And it's funny. Because he's my older brother and does as good a job of managing to make me laugh as RageQuit does. I almost can't wait to see my dad's reaction when he gets home over the weekend :)

Randomness

Ever felt like everything annoyed you for no reason, and then you'd feel better, and then be annoyed again?

Because that basically sums up the past few days for me. I haven't been able to concentrate very well on anything. I keep waking up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason, after taking hours just to fall asleep. Everything annoys me. And I don't know why.

Usually I do get times like this. They happen randomly and always vary in how long they last, and so far the best I've figured is that I just need to sit with it. It goes away after a while, at least.

And as a random note: I have bad acne. I hate it more because it hurts and itches and not because I don't think I'm beautiful. And for years now, since I've first really gotten it, it's always been bad, and my sister has been teasing me about it, because she didn't have to sit with it herself. But now mine seems to be clearing up very slowly, but still at some rate, and she's been getting it worse. Before a pimple or two was considered a breakout for her, and now she's getting a lot more. So I'm laughing at her so much more often now, and I just can't wait until she really breaks out.

'Course, it's actually my younger brother that has it worst right now. I know that I stopped washing my face, but it looks like my skin is sensitive enough that I'm allergic to everything I've used so far. But they have no excuses! (Well, my sister is allergic to one specific brand that gave her a rash years ago, but we don't buy that, and the other stuff she uses is fine because she has used it before) They don't wash their faces, and it just gets worse. More laughing as payback for me, but still. They'll learn eventually ;)

Solitaire

Current status of Solitaire scores on this specific laptop I'm using (not including the two I used previously and played a lot on):

High score: 13860    Date: 12/20/2012
Games played: 5362
Games won: 3012     Win percentage: 56%

Yeah...I play way too much Solitaire. I haven't had this computer for a year yet. And if I hadn't found some ways to distract myself, the count for games would be a lot higher. Win percentage probably could be higher, since there are times when I could go back and undo moves and win, but most of the time I play this when I'm too tired to concentrate on anything else, so I end up just starting another game.

Haha, average score is between 10,000 and 12,000.  Usually. 7,000 to 9,000 if I'm distracted or really tired. Still, even at worst I get better than my older sister's scores (last I checked, which was admittedly a while back, I think her best score was 7,000 with average between 3,000 and 5,000) And considering how half the time I'm also concentrating on whatever my older brother is talking about (one of my favorite things to do when he starts talking, because it does slightly annoy him and I can concentrate well enough on both things) I think I'm doing pretty well. But then, I only have my family to compare myself to right now, so I have no real idea.

If you add the amount of games I played on the previous two computers, I had a little more than 1,000 games on the one before this laptop, and probably only a few hundred on the one before that. Still, that's a lot of games.

Solitaire is a pretty fun game if you're like me and enjoy the brain puzzles. I like Solitaire and Tetris and Sudoku, and all the other puzzle games (particularly the Flow games on my android phone, the ones where you have to connect two dots to each other and there's a lot of them. Very challenging when you get to the 13x13 and up, but so much fun)

And yeah. It's almost 11 at night here, and my head's beginning to feel fuzzy from lack of sleep, so.

S'mores Dip

Mmm...ever had s'mores dip? It's really good...

Well, I've looked at some recipes online for s'mores dip, and a lot of them say to use 1 1/2 cups of chocolate chips, a can of condensed milk, and a bit of marshmallow crème (about half a cup) with graham crackers to eat it with.

'Course, that's probably correct. I followed the recipe off of a magazine a week or so ago, then lost it, so I made it a second time from memory and botched it up apparently, because I used two cups of chocolate chips. Oh, and we used Nilla wafers instead of graham crackers. They taste better :)

So, in recipe-type format or whatever (which might suck, since I've never tried this before):

Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups of chocolate chips
1 can condensed milk
1/2 cup marshmallow crème
1 box graham cracker sticks

To make it, just take the chocolate chips and put them in something to melt it (I use a really big glass measuring cup) with the can of condensed milk, microwaving it for about 30 seconds at a time, mixing when it's done until it's all smooth and melted. (For me, that's about a minute and a half to two minutes, but then I use two cups of chocolate chips, so it might not take that long)

Then you take the melted chocolate and put it into a glass bowl (or at least that's what I did) and spread it out evenly. Then you take the marshmallow crème and dump it in little blobs, and take a knife and swirl it around to make it look nice or however you like.

Then wait for it to cool down (or not, your choice, but then you'll just really have melted chocolate with marshmallow crème in it) and scoop some up with the graham cracker sticks (or in my case, Nilla wafers) and enjoy. Or not, your choice really :)


I'm definitely not an expert at writing things down in a recipe format or whatever you want to call that, but if that explanation isn't satisfactory enough and you really do want to try making it, you could always do a Google search. Remember, in most cases Google is your friend. Not always though.

But it does taste good. I find myself taking probably quite a bit of it through the day. And this is where I'm grateful for a high metabolism, because it means I can eat it all I want without really having to worry about my weight (actually, I'm underweight...so I could afford to gain some pounds)

Are you gonna try the s'mores dip? :)

Back again!

Hgh! No internet for over a week again! Agh! *throws temper tantrum, destroying things in various levels*

Yeah, no internet again. For roughly 190 hours (younger brother has been keeping count of the hours...annoying, and I've been hitting him with soft things to get him to shut up) The above is actually an explanation of how my older sister pretty much reacted. She's really pissed off, and she doesn't have it back now because her chores were taken away (again) and the rule in our house is: no chores, no privileges, including internet. And to make things worse, her attitude is horrible. She's been refusing to help with anything, and the rare times she does do something, everyone just ends up regretting asking her beacause of her attitude.

Oh, and she almost broke my older brother's hand by slamming it in the door. It doesn't seem like she'll ever learn that slamming the door on body parts hurts a lot. When we were all way younger, she did that on my finger, slammed the fingernail off completely. And I can tell you that the skin underneath is really sensitive. And I only had to deal with it once. My younger brother...I lost count how many times his fingers and toes were slammed.

Younger brother's reaction has been a bad attitude, but only really when anyone brought it up. And he complained about doing things as well, but then so did I. Nothing out of the ordinary there. But he's got internet back, and so do I, so that's all fine.

My reaction? Oh well, no internet again. I wish I could have, but it's not like I really need it that much.

I'm still sorting through the I don't know how many blog feed thingies (was over 600 earlier, now down to 250) and then I've got to sift through a few other things. Normally I can keep track of all that daily, and the real reason I hate having no internet is because what takes a few minutes at a time daily takes a few hours the more days I go without it.

So yeah. Internet is back for now, but I get the feeling that it'll be turned off again soon. But I'll still try to post something every day or two. Maybe something more meaningful too. I actually had something I wanted to post, but I didn't write it down...and I forgot completely what it was even about. But there're other ideas bouncing around in my head, so at least there'll be something even if it isn't what I originally wanted to put.

Swing

It's finally getting warmer outside here where I live. It's been cold so far all winter. We've had it snow maybe two or three times (definitely less than five times) where we've had to shovel the driveway. But other than that, nothing. Just bitter cold wind most of the time.

Earlier we all had to go outside and help tidy up the yard a little bit. Pick up sticks that had fallen since the fall when they were last picked up, move logs to the rack that was finally built (after waiting maybe two years) and of course, watch the little ones.

I usually avoid going outside. In the winter, because it's cold. In the spring and fall, because it can be cold, and depending on the month there's a possibility of mosquitoes. In the summer, unless we've got bug spray that actually works for me (I've found one that doesn't make everywhere stink awfully, and still manages to keep the bugs away, since it seems like they love me...) I actually like going outside when it isn't really hot.

But mostly I'm just someone who enjoys being inside. Anyways, we were outside earlier. And since I didn't have to do much apart from make sure the little ones didn't make a disaster of some sort (easy enough now, because they'll listen if you tell them to stop whatever it is they're doing) I was sitting on one of the swings hanging from our ancient oak trees (that had been struck at least twice by lightning) I usually like sitting on the regular kind that just goes back and forth, like those on a swingset, and we do have one, but it's set way too low for any of us kids to use, and after a while it goes from side to side and nearly makes you crash into the tree. My dad and older brother need to fix that, but seeing as how it's been like that since last year and we've bugged them since then, I'm not sure how fast it'll get done.

So I was sitting on the other swing. Not sure what the proper name for it would be, but it's the kind where there's a single rope attaching to the middle of whatever you use (some family friends used a plank of wood, ours is some plastic disk-like thing) And I don't actually know if you can use it like the regular swings, because ours is close enough to the tree that we just kick off of the tree, spin around, and have fun like that. Probably damaging the tree, but at least I'm not nearly as destructive as my siblings are.

Anyways, I was sitting on the swing, listening to music. And I'm not sure if it's because I love swinging (always have, probably always will) or because I was actually getting a chance to breathe in fresh air, or just because I had a more or less decent excuse to not pay attention to my family, but I felt better after a little while. See, lately I haven't been feeling all that well emotionally. So that really helped. And while I can't really say that I'm happy, I think it's something close to it.

Actually, I'm not sure why this turned out so long. I only meant to say that it was getting warmer outside and that I feel a little better after spending some time outside. But that's what happens when I can't seem to get more than 5 or so hours of sleep at night. I start babbling and making random connections and depending on who I'm talking to and what I end up talking about, sometimes confusing people.

And I think I'm going to stop there, because otherwise I'm not sure if I will stop.

Loneliness

When the world is gray

And you think you're lost

Don't give up.

 

There's always someone there

Even if you can't see them

You're not alone.

 

So don't turn away

Or think that there's a cost

Just look up.

Poetry, maybe? I dunno. Just something that came in my head.

Heart Attack

So, I finally got around to listening Heart Attack by Demi Lovato because my sister has been pestering me...and when she pesters someone, it's annoying...and I have a lot of patience...


Anyways, this post is going to be a long-ish (maybe) post with mostly videos of covers of the song. Because while I like the lyrics and think that it would probably describe me if I ever liked anyone (but I doubt that anything'll happen anytime soon) and I'm okay with Demi's voice (especially since it sounds way better than in her Unbroken album) for some reason I don't like her singing it.

This is the official video for it. I kinda like the video, but I also kinda don't like it. Usually that's how it is for me and music videos, by the way. I think it's okay mostly except for the part where she's dressed in white with her hair pulled back and black arms...that just looks weird to me. But other than that, I think it's pretty interesting. Oh, and I'm just saying, but she has a big mouth...well, she can open it as wide as my sister can, at the very least...not a complaint, just stating because I've got a tiny mouth and it sometimes surprises me how big mouths can be...

So, because I'm unnaturally curious, I'm now looking at covers for the song. I say 'unnaturally' because I usually hate covers, and I almost never look for them. I usually just stumble upon them while I'm listening to other music. And usually I don't like them and think they sound awful. So.

And while searching, I found a guy version of the song. I think it's kind of funny, what with the slightly changed lyrics, and it actually sounds nice. And for someone who doesn't usually like covers or guys singing (not sure why, I just don't) I think that might say something. But it also just might be because the audio quality seems a lot better than the audio for most other covers I listen to.

So there's that one. Ooh, I found another cover I like.

This one I like. A lot. I think it's a lot better than the original :) And looking through the channel, I really like them...they sound awesome.

Hn, this one is nice too. I'm not used to listening to acoustic versions (though about half of the time I find I like them better than the original versions) but she sounds nice.

Actually, there are other acoustic covers I like too, but I probably won't be putting them up here because they do end up sounding the same (music-wise, not voice-wise) after a while.

Now this video I like. The girl's makeup is interesting to me (not much of a fan of makeup, so sparkly eyeshadow does interest me a bit, as well as those stars...) and she sounds nice. And her hair...it's what, blond to pink to purple? Or is it indigo or something? Anyways, I like it. And I've heard a few Jake Coco songs before...a long time ago...and I liked them. So I liked this video.

Now this is an interesting one. It's a guy version, but rather from the view of someone else noticing these things about a girl, instead of being about the guy himself. But while I like that, I'm not much a fan of the vocals. Don't know why, I just don't...


And since I'm sure that you must be getting sick of this song by now, I know I am, I'll stop there with the videos. So far my favorite version would be the one by TeraBrite. I like the way how the music sounds, and her voice is really nice. But that's just my opinion :)

Comparing Matched and Delirium Part 1: Societies

So I'm reading a book called Crossed by Ally Condie, which is the second book in the Matched trilogy. And I like it. My description for the series (which is up to you to decide whether or not it's accurate or not, or whatever else you want to throw in) is that society matches people up and marries them off to have kids and all. Basically free will is mostly eliminated there when it comes to choosing love. Or that's how I see it.

I like the books. I really do. I'm finding myself more and more fascinated by dystopian books.

But the more I read, the more I find myself comparing it to another book series I read a little while back called Delirium by Lauren Oliver.

(By the way, I only read the first two books of the Delirium trilogy, and I'm only about halfway through with Crossed, so this is just my current point of view. And in no way am I stating that any of this is accurate or anything, just so you know, since sometimes I forget things too)

But on the left here is the cover of Matched, and on the right is the cover of Delirium, both the first books in their series.



Both of the stories are set around their society. Both are forceful, choosing out who you're to marry and have kids with and all that. In Delirium, the citizens are brainwashed by a surgical procedure that render them almost like zombies (I'm talking about the trance-like state, not the flesh-eating part) that obey their wills. In Matched, the citizens retain their minds, though their free will is very limited still because basically everything is monitored, and they have to carry around tablets with them that have different effects depending on the color (blue, green, and red)


Both societies set up who you're going to marry and have kids with when you grow up. Delirium chooses the matches by asking you questions and comparing them to others' answers, and there is some choice there, because if I remember correctly, you get a few choices of people you could be matched up with, and you could number them in the order of your choice. In Matched, the society does it all for you. Since everything is monitored, they can accurately make guesses about most of what you decide even before you do. There is no choice here, though you can opt to become a Single, which is someone who doesn't marry and can't have kids.


But there is a major difference in the societies. In Delirium, you're not allowed to express love. That's what the procedure does: erase the feeling of love, because they claim that love is the deadliest disease of all (which does have some truth in it, actually, but I don't think that people deserve to be brainwashed like that. After all, love can bring happiness, even if it does seem to often lead to unhappiness) So if you express love, you'd get into trouble. The boys and girls are kept apart until they're married (I think) and there's a huge punishment if you're caught with a person of the other gender, especially if they suspect that there's love involved. One But in Matched, it's not that bad. You're allowed to show love. Boys and girls do go to school together, and before their Matching Banquets they do sometimes have games where they'll kiss other people. But once they're Matched, usually they become focused on their Match and don't do that (though there is apparently a percent of the teens who have flings with other people who aren't their Match, or something like that)


In Delirium, the society mostly seems to be based on eliminating love, because to them, love causes a lot of conflicts. They believe that the world is better off without it. And yeah, control is also thrown in there, but still. In Matched, the society seems to be based on having things at maximum efficiency, as well as control. I think that the matching in Delirium is mostly so that there is an order to things, so that they don't end up with someone they completely hate, and the brainwashing to prevent any rebellions, while the matching in Matched is to get the best genes mixed together or something, and where they use the threats of getting an Aberration status and the tablets for control.



I know that they're not the same. I'm not saying they are, if that's what you're thinking. But I can't help but compare the two stories. And it's not just because of the societies. But I'll get to that in a different post. And there are probably other things I could compare between the two societies, but I think I'm fine with these for now.

And if you haven't read either of the series, I would recommend it if you like dystopian stories. I know that I like them.

Weekends

So, I got a Kindle for my birthday, as well as $100. Definitely better than last years gift, which was a $60-70 bike. And we went to Medieval Times earlier. That was fun, even if our knight didn't win, and the rest of my family complained on the way home, and I didn't actually get to have the birthday package. But oh well. Next time I don't want to bring the entire family...because I know I'm going back.


In other news, I actually hate weekends. Mostly because my dad comes home. I love my dad and all, but he and my mom don't along well anymore. One of them is always complaining about the other (usually my mom complaining, my dad mostly says things as jokes that she takes too seriously) and they rarely agree with each other.

It drives me insane. Especially when my mom told me when I was younger that she loved my dad, and she told me how they met and all that. Someone's family wasn't happy with their marriage at first (I think it was my dad's side) but a few months afterwards, they were asking my mom if she had any good news (a baby) I liked it better when she told me that, because even though I didn't really care at the time so much, we were still a happier family.

Sometimes it isn't so bad. Sometimes I just sit in my room all day (which isn't unusual for me) and don't really hear much. This is usually because everyone's focused on the electronic of their choice, me included, but I think it's almost better than when we're off of them. We don't get nearly as much done as we could, but we're all still happy in our own ways. When we spend any time with one another (especially as a family) everyone starts becoming annoyed at each other.

I hate it that we're so dependant on electronics for our happiness. I liked it better when I was younger and had to do things without so much to help me. It took more effort than anything I can do today with an electronics help, sure, but it was satisfying in its own way. Now I just feel lazy the entire time.

Or maybe I'm just going slightly mad.

Haha, not that crazy yet. Maybe someday though.

Pointless android games (to me)

...Yeah, I'm bored with Littlest Pet Shop. I'm trying to not collect money now, because I've got 5 open spaces in homes, and since you can get pets from the hearts lucky paws game (I've gotten two of them already...the lamb and the lop bunny/rabbit/whatever it is since I'm too lazy to look) I'm not going to bother buying the 5 remaining pets that cost coins and not Bling. Well, unless some limited edition offer that costs coins comes up.

Anyways, I'm really bored with the game now. No quests left, no real point to the game, and updates are infrequent enough that the only reason I go on once a day is for the daily reward. Someday soon though, I'm just going to stop playing altogether. Just like with Farmville...


...Oh, and I found another pointless game for my phone. It's called Star Girl. I originally played it because I wanted to earn a few Bling for LPS (Pointless now, but still) but I still have it installed. All you really do is earn money, buy clothes, accessories, shoes and other stuff, and make as many boyfriends as you can.

It's a good game if you need to waste your time (and potentially money) on, but otherwise I don't really like it. So it's also a game that I'm just going to stop playing altogether someday. And this someday will be very soon.


Also, you should be able to expect a more meaningful post sometime. I just haven't been able to come up with anything I didn't immediately hate, otherwise I would've posted something else sooner. And my Kindle came...so I'll be distracted with that for a little while :)

My translation of Lied van my Hart (now with Afrikaans lyrics as well)

The other day I was searching Youtube a bit and somehow found myself at an Afrikaans song. It's a little funny to me, because despite knowing the language, I don't really make much of an active effort to find any music. But I like this song, and since I'm not sure if there's a translation out there (the link didn't work in the video description, and a very quick search on Google didn't show anything, though there may be something that I missed) I'm going to see how well I really can translate from Afrikaans to English.

EDIT: I got a request to post the Afrikaans lyrics as well, so they're up now. Also did minor
changes to the English lyrics.

Lied van my Hart - Song of my Heart

Afrikaans
Steve
My lewe le en wag
net anderkant die wereld wat ek ken
Daar le my nuwe dag

Net een ding maak my vry
Ek luister na die sagte note diep
na die stem hier binne my

Maar alles wat ek is moet ek behou, om waar to bly
Dis die lied van my hart
Dis die lied binne my
Ek sing al my drome en dan is ek vry

Dis die lied van my hart
Dis die stem wat my ken
Bly naby die waarheid en dan sal ek wen
Dis die lied van my hart

Nadine
Al was ek net 'n kind
Kon ek die woorde saggies hoor oor my
'n fluister op die wind
My wereld raak nou stil
Ek luister na die woorde in my siel, want ek weet dis God se wil

Maar alles wat ek is moet ek behou, om waar to bly

Both
Dis die lied van my hart
Dis die lied binne my
Ek sing al my drome en dan is ek vry

Dis die lied van my hart
Dis die stem wat my ken
Bly naby die waarheid en dan sal ek wen
Dis die lied van my hart

Nadine
Maar diep hier binne my
is die stem van donker vrese
Sal ek die krag en moed he
om te wees wat ek wil wees

Steve
Want alles in jou lewe
het 'n prys wat jy betaal

Both
'n prys wat jy moet neerle
om jou drome te gaan haal

Nadine
Die dis lied van my hart
Dis die lied binne my
Ek sing al my drome en dan is ek vry

Both
Dis die lied van my hart
Dis die lied binne my
Ek sing al my drome en dan is ek vry

Dis die lied van my hart
Dis die stem wat my ken
Bly naby die waarheid en dan sal ek wen
Dis die lied van my hart

Dis die lied van my hart
Dis die stem wat my ken
Bly naby die waarheid end dan sal ek wen
Dis die lied van my hart

Dis die lied van my hart

English
Steve
My life lies and waits
just beyond the world that I know
There lies my new day

Just one thing makes me free
I listen to the soft notes deep
To the voice here inside me

But everything that I am I must retain, to stay true
It's the song of my heart
It's the song inside me
I sing all my dreams, and then I am free

It's the song of my heart
It's the voice that knows me
Stay close to the truth, and then I will win
It's the song of my heart

Nadine
Though I was just a child
I could hear the words softly over me
a whisper on the wind
My world is getting quiet
I listen to the words in my soul, because I know it's God's will

But everything I am I must protect, to stay true

Both
It's the song of my heart
It's the song inside me
I sing all my dreams and then I am free

It's the song of my heart
It's the voice that knows me
Stay close to the truth, and then I will win
It's the song of my heart

Nadine
But deep inside me
is the voice of dark fear
Will I have the strength and courage, to be what I want to be

Steve
Because everything in your life, has a price that you pay

Both
A price you have to lay down, to fetch your dreams

Nadine
It's the song of my heart
It's the song inside me
I sing all my dreams and then I am free

Both
It's the song of my heart
It's the song inside me
I sing all my dreams and then I am free

It's the song of my heart
It's the voice that knows me
Stay close to the truth, and then I will win
It's the song of my heart

It's the song of my heart
It's the voice that knows me
Stay close to the truth, and then I will win
It's the song of my heart

It's the song of my heart


Aaand, that's it. This is how I would translate it. Others might put it a little differently, but this is how I see the words translate to in my head, if that makes any sense. And since this was fun, I might do more translations in the future.

Clouds

Mmm...rainbow cupcakes taste good. The chocolate's a bit sweet for my tastes, but I expected that.

It's not often that my entire family goes out for dinner or something. And usually when we do, there's a few people mad at each other for some reason. Usually a stupid reason as well. But yesterday we all went out and somehow nobody got mad (except for my younger brother because my little sister was taking her sweet time eating her food)

Actually, this post has nothing to do with that. I just mentioned it because when we were driving home, I was looking outside at the clouds. I've always liked looking at clouds. I've never really tried seeing shapes in them, but they really are pretty and calming. And even though the clouds were dark and it looks like it's going to rain sometime in the future, I still like them.

I think that what really got my interest this time was that there was a bit of a gap in the clouds where the sun was shining through. Not the shape of the sun, but rather the rays. I've only ever seen a few times in real life the suns rays like how they often are in paintings (or at least the ones I look at) so it's always fascinating to me when I see it.

Birthday birthday birthday

I feel a little guilty for not coming on here. But between having no internet (why I get punished for something my siblings did I don't quite understand) and not really knowing what to say, I can't really say that I've had a reason to.


My birthday is coming up. In less than a week. I already know that I'm going to get a Kindle, but the rest of my gifts remain a mystery. I actually could ask what I'd be getting, but since my mom is mostly behind the decision for buying the gifts, I don't really care. She's never gotten me something I didn't want yet, and I don't expect her to start now.


So next weekend, I think, I'm going to Medieval Times. We always get to choose a nice restaurant to go to for our birthday, and since we went there for my mom's birthday in December, I've only wanted to go back. So for once I actually knew without making a last minute decision where I wanted to eat.


And I'm going to be making myself a nice rainbow cake. I made rainbow cupcakes last night, and melted some chocolate over them earlier, and haven't had any of it yet except for a piece that my little sister was kind enough to give me, but it tastes good. I'm just waiting on others to finish their chores so I can have one. (Maybe I can have the leftover chocolate...)


Some people might be wondering why I want a rainbow cake. (I know that my younger brother does, anyways) Usually girls like pink and all, so that'd end up being a strawberry cake most likely. But ever since watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, I've been a bit put off of pink (agh, way too much pink! And cats! I don't like Dolores Umbridge) And I've always loved rainbows. I'm actually a little surprised that I've only now made them and not a long time ago. That, and I'm really tired of strawberry and chocolate cakes, which is what everyone else in my family decides to have in the end.


Am I looking forward to my birthday? Yes. I have been looking forward to it when my little sister asked me "How many sleeps until your birthday?" and I realized that the answer was two weeks exactly. (I think she just wants my birthday to be done with so that she can bring hers up the entire time...though it's only in August)


Do I think that it's going to be a nice birthday? Um, the day of my birthday probably not so much, because we never really do anything here at home, and my dad will be gone for work. But the presents? I'll probably go crazy over them for a little while and just fast fade back into my regular routine with some minor adjustments. That's how it was for Christmas anyways. But the overall celebration that gets stretched out little bit by little bit between now and the time we're done with Medieval Times? That'll be nice.


That's about it on birthday news for now. And for some random and not really at all related news, I found my psp! It's been missing for I don't even know how long (just like my DS, I don't use it that much) but it's been gone for probably about a year. And then my brother found it while he was washing laundry. So I'm happy about that :)

Contradictory

I'm sad, I'm happy.

I don't need anyone, I need someone.

I hate my life, I love my life.

I want to scream, I want to laugh.

I want to cry, I want to sing.

I want to sleep, I want to dance.

I feel useless, I feel useful.

I'm numb, I'm aware.

I'm dead, I'm alive.

I don't want to learn, I want to learn.

I need to live a lie, I can live my life.

I don't care, I will care more than you know.

I'm brave, I'm afraid.

I despair, I fly.

I live in reality, I live in dreams.

Sometimes it's hard. Other times it's easy. For what exactly, I can't say. That's up to every person to decide for themselves. The above is just some of the things that I go through. In reality, I'm all those things, but I feel more of the first parts. It's only really in my dreams that I feel the second parts.

Oh, and if you're wondering, I did deliberately but 'brave' before 'afraid'.

One wish

If you had one wish, what would you wish for?

What if one day you were suddenly given a wish. You could wish for anything you wanted, no restrictions. Would you wish for money? Fame? Love? World peace? World domination? A cure for cancer/other illness? Anything?


Hmm...there are probably too many stories that go along those lines. But still, if it's done right, it can be very unique and interesting. 'Course, most of the (very few) ones I've read either have happy endings and don't have a single thing go wrong, or otherwise have downright depressing endings where everything goes wrong.


Still, if someone had to ask me what I wanted, and I could get anything without restriction, I'd take my time deciding on something.


I wouldn't ask for money, that I do know. Even though it would be incredibly helpful since most of modern day society seems to depend on it, but I don't think I'd ever be happy. Same goes for fame.


Love is a tricky thing. I do believe that love really exists and that people can be happy with it, but if it happens because of a wish, I'm not sure I'd ever believe that it's a 'real' love. I'd never be able to stop worrying that whoever it is didn't just fall in love with me just because of a wish, and wouldn't have under any other circumstance. So I wouldn't wish for love.


World peace. As much as I hold a small part of me to hope for it, it would never last. I believe that human nature has conflict written into it, so as long as we still exist there will always be conflict of some sort. So world peace would be out.


As for world domination, that's automatically out. Not only do I not fancy being a ruler of any kind, but for all those people secretly (or not so secretly) hoping for this, think about it this way: you watch the movies with kings and rulers and such, and if you see them on a normal day, usually they have a lot of responsibility dumped on them, from anything to do with wars, laws, dealing with the numerous complaints from the people, and other such burdens. I've never liked having too much responsibility, so this wish would never happen.


I know that some people would opt to vote for a cure for cancer or some other illness, but I can't see myself doing that. It might be because I've never known anyone personally to have cancer or some other life-threatening illness, which some would consider lucky. But I think that part of this would also be that technology advances every day, and someone's bound to find the answer eventually, even if it happens by a pure accident. I didn't think that they'd ever make a vaccine for the flu that lasts longer than a single season or whatever, but according to my older brother and some sites found using Google, it seems that there is one being worked on (my brother says it's on animal testing stages) Now if they could only make one for the common cold and one for allergies...Actually, you can build up immunity to allergies with the help of doctors injecting concentrated stuff in your blood and watching you and stuff, but that takes time and money. I just want a single shot.


In the end, I think that if I'd wish for anything at all, it'd be happiness. Or wisdom. Or some other helpful trait. Because while the ones I'm thinking of can actually be obtained through natural means, technically all the other things can be too. And it'd be a help to me, if not necessarily for everyone else. And with the right set of mind, they could be used for good (or evil, but then I don't view myself as a particularly evil person)


What would you wish for?